THE CHEESE WHIZARD

On Wednesday, the L.A. Times ran an article by sports columnist T.J. Simers (pictured left for head-hunting purposes) entitled, “Phillies fans: 10,000 reasons to be bitter.” He led off referring to Philadelphia as, “Angryville…a dingy city…crumbling, and in ruin.” He called Philly fans, “Wild Pit Bulls,” and, “Obstinate pugs.” He proclaimed a Game 1 Dodgers victory a forgone conclusion for the mere fact that Derek Lowe would be primed and ready, eager to up his value in the free agent market. He called Jamie Moyer a 100-year-old softball pitcher, and Joe Blanton, “just another guy.” He finished his masterpiece insisting that as long as the Dodgers can return to Philly needing to win just one of Games 6 and 7, they will win the series, because, well, uh, Joe Torre said so.

With two Phils’ victories in the books, and the series moving to L.A., a rebuttal is due…


OBLIVION, CA – You spend enough time in this city, and you start to ask yourself if anyone here cares about anything or anyone but themselves.

Sure, L.A. has the beach and the hills, the stars and their houses, the parties and the babes, the best basketball player in the world, and the, “IN-N-OUT Double-Double.” But, what is L.A.?

Los Angeles is a town without character. It is a Mecca for the transient, aspiring youth of America; a science lab for Mother Nature to test her devastating sorcery; a Petri dish for smog and pollution. It is a town full of wannabes lured by the smoke and mirrors of entertainment. It is a crowd that shows up in the top of the third inning, unable to name more than a starter or two from the opposing team. Everyone here could give you a Kim Kardashian bio (Seriously, why is she famous?). But no one here could tell you which Phillies’ starter is batting over .300 (Greg Dobbs, btw).

The few L.A. natives who actually care about the Dodgers’ organization – mostly hard-working Hispanics from every corner of L.A., who ultimately make this town run – are longing for the “Crumbling Ruins,” of a town full of character. They envy our collective pain and heartache, our tears and depression, and the agony of our past defeats. But they won’t find agony in L.A., since, for there to be agony, L.A. would actually have to care. This is a town that let not one, but two, football franchises go. Better yet, this is a town that let O.J. go.

Call Philadelphians, “Wild Pitt Bulls.” Inevitably, if you let that many Eagles fans have that much beer, with that much fresh snow, at a Cowboys game, snowballs will fly (especially with a target like Jimmy Johnson’s grey perm). But, “Obstinate pugs?” Obstinate implies stubbornness. Stubborn fans can’t ‘Boo,’ their MVP leadoff hitter one week, and forgive his uncanny remarks on account of his hard-nosed, gutsy play the next week. Philadelphia is a town where questioning and rethinking, rewriting and amending were founded. Remember 1776? The simple truth is…..without Philadelphia, there wouldn’t be a Los Angeles anyway.

If the contest were over sports knowledge, fan participation, regional character, loyalty, and general support, the Dodgers would lose by the ten-run-rule, in a four game sweep.

Between the lines, there is a different story.

The Dodgers are hot. Without question, The Dodgers beat the best team in the National League with ease in the first round of the playoffs, and playoff baseball is all about getting hot at the right time (see The 2007 Colorado Rockies). However, calling it a victory for the Dodgers might not be as accurate as calling it a loss for the Cubs. Whenever your opponent has more errors than hits, you really shouldn’t be cocky over your own performance.

If the Dodgers are hot, Manny Ramirez is blistering. The Dread Head is 3-for-8 with 4 RBI in Games 1 and 2 and he takes pressure off of the young hitters around him.

Matt Kemp, Andre Ethier, and James Loney (each under the age of 26) have shined with Manny in the line-up. After batting .195, .281, and .292 in June, July and August respectively, Ethier batted .462 with Manny as a permanent fixture ahead of him, in September. Loney’s avg. jumped from .270 in July to .330 in August. Kemp seems to be the only youngster feeling the late season pressure.

But what happens if Manny goes cold? If the Phillies can pitch to Manny, (he batted just .240 against the Phillies in 8 regular season games) they’ll put loads of pressure on an otherwise inexperienced line-up.

Hot pitching beats hot hitting.

On Thursday night, Cole Hamels proved, once again, that he is the best pitcher in this series, and possibly the best starting pitcher in the National League. Don’t let his underwhelming total of 14 wins fool you. Hamels gave up 3 runs or less in 10 starts this season when he didn’t record a win.

On the other hand, in Game 1, Derek Lowe didn’t do much to elevate his value in the free agent market. He dropped to a 1-2 record in five League Championship Series starts. In 37 career LCS innings, he has given up 33 hits. In his defense, his defeat was aided an abetted by Rafael Furcal’s blunder at shortstop.

And the Dodgers will blunder.

In three ‘mistake categories,’ (base running, fielding, and hitting with runners on base) the Phillies are simply better. In the regular season, the Phillies stole 136 bases, getting thrown out only 15% of the time, 10% less than the Dodgers. The Phillies ranked 9th out of 30 teams in all of baseball in fielding errors, making 10% fewer errors than the Dodgers. In all of baseball, only the Chicago White Sox (157) grounded into more double plays than the Los Angeles Dodgers (154). The Phillies ranked 5th in that category, hitting into only 108 inning killers.

The Dodgers must win Game 3. And if they have a shot with any of their starting pitchers, it may be in Hiroki Kuroda. Kuroda is holding opposing hitters to a .241 batting average at Chavez Ravine, and only allowed one earned run in his last start against Philadelphia.

But, after winning both games in Angryville, the Phillies and their 100-year-old softball pitcher Jamie Moyer have these young Dodgers hitters right where they want them. Moyer struggled in his last start in Milwaukee, but hasn’t given up back-to-back losses to National League teams yet this year. The Dodgers will be anxious to turn this thing around quickly come Sunday, but Moyer’s change of speeds has been devastating to young, anxious hitters. Just ask the Florida Marlins, (who have only two starters over the age of 30,) who have lost 8 of their last 11 when Moyer faces them.

If the Dodgers had any advantage coming in, it was in the category of “post-season experience” possessed by Ramirez, Jeff Kent and Nomar Garciaparra. Manny is doing everything he can. But Kent and Garciaparra are a combined 1-for-6 off the bench, including a less than elegant fan session by Nomar to end game two. Although it is polite, perhaps, to say that Garciaparra is “experienced,” Phillies’ closer Brad Lidge made Nomar look, well… old.

Speaking of Lidge…

The Phillies’ bullpen is in overdrive right now. Lidge is an incredible 42 of 42 in saves, Ryan Madsen’s change-up gets near the plate and then falls off of the table, and J.C. Romero has only given up 10 hits to left-handed hitters all season.

The Dodgers have come too far to pack it in now, but the road is uphill from here.

On Wednesday night, as a precursor to the League Championship Series, ESPN aired a ‘Top Ten Playoff Moments,’ montage. Number 3 on the countdown was Kirk Gibson’s walk-off home run in Game 1 of the 1988 World Series, against Dennis Eckersley; a film clip notoriously familiar to sports fans, played and replayed now for twenty years. But while most viewers probably focus on Gibson’s memorable ‘air-lawn-mower-start-trot-around-the-bases,’ a different element of the clip seems more interesting, and more telling about the L.A. fans. As Gibson’s drive soars over the right field fence, the Dodger stadium parking lots com into view, complete with taillights of cars lined up to exit. There were ‘fans’ leaving in the ninth inning, in Game 1 of the World Series, before a momentous, history making home run. Each time I’ve seen that clip in the past couple of days, I can’t help but wonder how many ‘Dodger Fans,’ will be left in the stadium when Brad Lidge throws the last pitch of the series here this week.

Sorry you didn’t like Angryville. We won’t make you go back.

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In the original version of this story, there was a remark which was misconstrued by some as an over-generalized slander towards Mexicans in East Los Angeles. My original comment was only an attempt to praise those L.A. natives who consistently show support for the Dodgers' organization. I apologize to anyone who may have been offended by my comments. - The Cheese