THE CHEESE WHIZARD

Sunday night my lady friend and I paid twelve dollars each to see ‘W,’ Oliver Stone’s latest stab at mediocrity. For two hours, the film careened through obvious scenes, and worn-out Presidential blunders that you couldn’t have missed were you living under a rock, or better yet – for my loyal Taliban readers – in a rock, for the last eight years. The only redemption came in the form of Josh Brolin’s masterful performance (as ‘W’ himself) that carries Stone’s work in much the same way that Manny Ramirez did Joe Torre’s, after July.

But, despite the predictable jokes, the seeming lack of purpose, and Thandie Newton’s whiny caricature of Condoleezza Rice, there was a surprising sound that filled the theater: laughter.

In this time of fear and uncertainty in America, you can feel people starving for entertainment, longing for an escape, holding on for a hero, till the end of the night. Art has become secondary to simple amusement. Demand for tales of fortitude, unlikely heroes, and utter hopefulness has skyrocketed. Three of the top five films of 2008 were superhero movies; stories that turned hope on the heels of desperation and despair. According to Nielsen, six of the top ten most watched television shows of the past year were new episodes of either American Idol (a show in which nobodies become stars) or Dancing With The Stars (a show in which ‘has-beens’ resurrect their careers).

If we, as Americans need an escape, then all we really need is our Great American Pastime.

Baseball has consoled this great nation in many troubled times.

On January 14, 1942, just a month after the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, Kenesaw Mountain Landis, the commissioner of Major League Baseball, wrote a letter to President Roosevelt, asking for advice. He asked FDR if baseball should continue being played with our country wrapped up in a world war. Roosevelt responded with what is now known as ‘The Green Light Letter,’ insisting that baseball should continue being played, and that it would only serve as a morale booster for American citizens and those fighting abroad.

In 1987, the entire world was shaken by the devastating stock market crash of Black Monday. The United States attacked an Iranian oil platform in the Persian Gulf as world markets collapsed. The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 23% in the days following October 19th. But, on October 20th the Minnesota Twins and the St. Louis Cardinals played Game 3 of the World Series, thus resuming their heated battle. That World Series went seven exciting games (only 6 of the last 22 World Series’ have gone seven games), and the Twins won game seven in an unlikely come-from-behind fashion sparked by Kirby Pucket’s game-tying double.

In 2001, the New York Yankees helped their beloved city rise from the ashes. Though the Yanks couldn’t win it all, with the help of the Arizona Diamondbacks, they treated baseball fans and New Yorkers across the country to a seven-game gem of a series, just a month after the tragedy of September 11th.

This year, while Fox will apologize profusely for failing to bring you the over-hyped Red Sox – Dodgers match-up that it primed so incessantly, Major League Baseball will not.

Major League Baseball wants you to know that it is alive and well.

Major League Baseball wants you to forget about your mortgage, Iraq, healthcare, and elections. It wants to console you, and it will.

Major League Baseball wants to give you a story of hope. From a town where our nation was founded, it wants to show you how the most losing franchise in sports history (The Phillies) can quench the thirst of a city yearning for a championship.

Major League Baseball wants to give you a story of rebirth. From a town where baseball has only existed for ten years, it wants to show you how a team that finished dead last in its division (The Rays), in eight of its first nine seasons, can nullify the New York Yankees, eliminate the Boston Red Sox, and turn its first winning season into a world championship.

But more importantly, Major League Baseball wants to introduce you to some people. It wants you to forget about Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire and BALCO. It wants you to forget about steroids altogether. It wants you to empty your memories and stop concerning yourself with the tarnished past of sluggers bound for Cooperstown. It wants you to meet the future of baseball.

This week, in Tampa Bay and Philadelphia, baseball’s youth will shine on a national stage. Next week, those youths will be household names.

As far as the Phillies go, you’re probably familiar with some of their young talent. You probably know Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins, the 2006 and 2007 National League MVPs, both 29 years of age. You probably even know Chase Utley (29), the Phillies 2008 catalyst and starting second basemen.

But what about Jason Werth (29), who took over the starting job in right field, hit 24 home runs, and had 67 RBI in just 137 starts? What about Shane Victorino (27), ‘The Flyin’ Hawaiian,’ who leads the starting line-up with a .293 batting average, and 36 stolen bases? What about Cole Hamels (24) who won 14 regular season starts, and has a 3-0 record this post season with a 1.23 ERA?

Do you know those guys?

Well, even if you do, you probably don’t know these Rays…

How about B.J. Upton? At age 24, he already has 7 homeruns this postseason. How about Evan Longoria? (No, not Eva) The Rays first round pick in 2006, Longoria lead the team in SLG and OPS, and will most likely receive the National League Rookie of the Year Award. How about David Price? This left-handed pitcher was drafted #1 overall last year by the Rays, and didn’t make his debut until September 14, 2008. He could be the deciding factor against a powerful line-up of Philadelphia lefties.

The Ray’s starting line-up has an average age of 27.4, and before this season, only 8 players on their 40-man roster had playoff experience.

Major League Baseball has a lot of introducing to do.

But, if you can’t sleep because a loved one is in Iraq, you can’t eat because you’re sick and can’t pay for healthcare, or you’re anxious because you can’t pay your mortgage, tune into Fox this week. There are a bunch of young men ready and willing to take your mind off of things for a little while. There are a bunch of young men eager to write you a new story of hope - a story of rebirth.

When the Rays eliminated the Red Sox on Sunday, FOX traded the 7th ranked television audience for the 14th ranked television audience. So, if anyone loses this week, it’s FOX. But then again, if you wear the Red colors of the FOX team, you are probably preparing for an even bigger loss on November 4th.

Here’s to baseball.