THE CHEESE WHIZARD

More and more, I feel like a stranger to my own society. I don’t understand people. I don’t understand how they can be entertained by the things they watch, nourished by the things they eat, enhanced by the things they buy, or enriched by the gossip they read. But more than any of these behaviors, I am most mystified by the things that cause us to be surprised.

In a society where celebrity and fame are acquired by the whim of the public’s reaction to image and profile, and not necessarily from an appreciation of actual talent, we act surprised when grown animals bite off their opponent’s ears in the ring, when childhood stars, robbed of their youth, continue into adulthood to carry on like children, or when guy-liner wearing American Idols are captured by the tabloids making out with other men. Why are we so surprised? Fame comes about more so from the titillation of the public, which encourages bad behavior because it makes for a juicier story. As a result, our “stars” get to where they are by acting the way they do. Why should they stop now?

Yet, this week, columnist Rick Reilly, a good writer, I think, criticized Tiger Woods for his tantrums on the golf course at the Open. Says Reilly, “Tiger Woods has outgrown those Urkel glasses…the crazy hair…(and) a body that was mostly neck…When will he outgrow his temper?”

Tiger Woods is a winner. He always has been and likely always will be. The numbers don’t lie, you know how often he has won, and you know that he is the greatest golfer to ever walk this planet.

You don’t become the best by making winning a priority. You become the best by making winning THE priority. You carry in your gut a desire and passion to win, so strong that the idea of being unable to win would make you want to quit altogether.

The intensity with which Tiger Woods plays the game is exactly what brought him his celebrity in the first place. The 330-yard cannons, 3-woods over water, cutting two irons out of fairway traps, 50-foot eagle bombs, with fist pumps to finish, and yes, unfortunately, the driver slams into the tee box are the good, and bad, images of a game played with the utmost passion. The PGA Tour is what it is today – a behemoth industry with yearly purses soaring from $70 million to over $250 million - largely because Tiger Woods has elevated the level of play and boosted the passion meter, virtually singlehandedly. And the correlation between Woods’ involvement in modern golf and enhanced TV revenue and sponsor involvement is undeniable. Nothing demonstrates this better than to consider that when Tiger went on hiatus for knee surgery last year, television ratings sagged by an astounding 50%. Tiger Woods’ image as the Nike Golf Poster Child is earning Nike Golf more than $500 million per year. It’s possible that Nike is almost as concerned with Tiger’s foul mouth as they were with Michael Jordan’s gambling.

Speaking of Jordan, let’s not forget that Tiger isn’t just another guy on the PGA tour. He is one of the best athletes in history. His peers are not Vijay Singh, David Toms, or Mike Weir. His peers are Michael Jordan, Babe Ruth, Wayne Gretzky, Ty Cobb, Jim Brown, and Muhammad Ali. Ali, Brown and Gretzky toiled in sports that involved the infliction of physical pain upon opponents, so commending them for their good behavior would be a bit unfair. Jordan used to yell at his teammates and the referees. Everyone who ever met Ty Cobb hated him for being the jerk he was unanimously reported to be, and The Red Sox traded The Bambino after his bad boy behavior - a drunk driving accident with a woman who wasn’t his wife, and a thrown punch at an umpire that resulted in a nine game suspension - began to raise resentment in the clubhouse. Yet Reilly condemns Tiger for yelling at himself after poor shots?

In modern sports, bad behavior is a cottage industry, even among the big stars. One need only to think of George Brett running at the umpire over pine tar, Jeff Van Gundy trying disgracefully to hold back Alonzo Mourning, Ron Artest punching out fans in the stands, Tanya Harding clubbing Nancy Kerrigan, Roberto Alomar spitting in the face of umpire John Herschbeck, Bobby Knight throwing the chair, Bobby Knight choking his player, Bobby Knight assaulting Jeremy Schapp, - wow, how ‘bout that Bobby Knight - Roger Clemens throwing Piazza’s bat, Dennis Rodman kicking the photographer. Where into that line of admirable behavior do we insert Tiger Woods yelling at,.......well,.......at...... himself?

There is bad behavior that flows from questionable character, and bad behavior that comes from caring too much. Tiger never steps on anyone’s line, rolls his ball in the fairway, or elbows a spectator on a trip into or out of the wayward rough. He doesn’t typically shout during Phil’s back swing. And when I was serving him at a club in New York five years ago, he drank water and sat quietly talking with his friends, Jeter and Jordan, while they took turns passing the half-dozen gathered glamorous models from lap to lap.

True story.

Next year, around this time, go to any public golf course in America. Ask any ten guys you meet there to name the winners of this year’s US Open and British Open Championships. Do you think that half would be able to name both Lucas Glover AND Stewart Cink? Both are great golfers, and, by all accounts, great guys. The PGA Tour and the American President’s Cup team are better for having them this year. But, for cryin’ out loud, who are more boring than Lucas Glover and Stewart Cink? And if these guys typify the type of intensity the PGA Tour will be counting on 20 years from now, when Tiger is otherwise busy walking Sam Alexis down the aisle, golf may be in for a real popularity collapse. When Ivan Lendl rose to the forefront of professional tennis, taking the mantle from John McEnroe, McEnroe himself noted that the tennis world must be missing him, having instead to watch “the human robot, Ivan Lendl.” Does Lucas Glover, himself, yet know that he won the US Open?

Reilly makes the point that more kids watch Tiger than any other golfer, and more kids mimic Tiger than any other athlete, and bad behavior makes for “role model” issues. The kids have no choice but to watch Tiger, the TV programmers see to that. They make sure every single one of his shots is televised. Who knows, maybe Stewart Cink snapped a putter over his knee last Thursday. But the kids wouldn’t have seen it, because ABC’s Mike Tirico was too busy gushing over Tiger, and commentator Andy North was otherwise unavailable, glued to Tom Watson’s Titleists.

For Tiger, “Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is.” If winning isn’t important to you, involve your children in arts and music, because golf is a competition, and the object of the game is to win. And Tiger Woods has now given a fifteen-year clinic on overcoming adversity, performing under pressure, and, well, winning.

To do everything that Tiger Woods does, and there is little he does half-heartedly, there has to be some separation. Family time is for Elin and the kids, practice time is for Hank Haney, Tiger Woods Foundation time is for the children of the world, and Major Championship time is for Tiger. Hell, Major Championship time is for all of us out here in the world of sports. It’s his opportunity to be selfish and his opportunity to be the superhero, at the same time.

Why should we be surprised when he behaves just as he always has, especially if he lets himself down while also letting all of us down, too?

It’s too bad Reilly doesn’t seem to get it. It’s right in front of his nose, particularly when he cites in his very column the anecdote that explains it all, the essence of Tiger Woods:

One day, when Tiger was just a kid, he was throwing his clubs around in a fuming fit when his dad said something like "Tiger, golf is supposed to be fun." And Tiger said, "Daddy, I want to win. That's how I have fun."