THE CHEESE WHIZARD

The Big Move: Part 1

2011-03-07T10:28:00.001-08:00

It’s been a long time, but the Cheese Whizard is back.

I don’t want you to think that you were alone in your longing. I missed you too. I thought often of returning. I wanted to celebrate the Saints and the Packers with you. I wanted to question Tiger Woods’ perplexing putter swap. I wanted to rip on Lebron James and the mockery he made of his hometown during, “The Decision.” I wanted to revel at the Olympic games, cringe at the continued rise of Michael Vick, and beg for Brett Favre to quit the masochism and retire already! Again.

For the record, I never considered – not even for a second – commenting on the World Cup last summer. I was too busy sleeping between goals.

I was loneliest during the World Series last fall, and like any great love lost, things were most difficult during the holidays. The news arrived on a cold day in early December. Jason Werth was headed to Washington, in exchange for everything but the Oval Office. I cracked my knuckles, poured some coffee, and started an outline.

It got better.

A week later, my phone buzzed. Text messages dropped. Emails flooded. Cliff Lee was returning to Philly, in exchange for a Cheesesteak and a Tastykake. Bang! That was it. My brain spun. My heart pounded. I sat down to write, but the cursor just blinked, and blinked, and nothing came out.

I was heartbroken.

You see, during my absence, we relocated. The Cheese-ette (a.k.a. Mademoiselle Gruyere) and I traded in the old digs for a quainter place on the sunny side of town, and in the process, I lost my studio. The green screen, the lights, the audio setup, the editing room, the engineers, gaffers, production team, even my hair and make-up crew, all of them disappeared. How could I go on without them?

I lost my voice.

So, what finally gave? Spring, of course.

Every March, the snow melts, the air warms, basketball pretends to be interesting for a short while and alas, Spring Training begins. For those of us that grew up obsessed with playing baseball, the seasonal change from winter to spring elicits a pavlovian response more potent than any we’ve known. Our muscles sense a change. Our hearts catch fire. Our souls know that it is time to pay ball.

This blog was born of that feeling. It was a baseball blog first, and will be a baseball blog until the end. So, let’s get reacquainted with baseball, shall we...?

The Big Move: Part 2

2011-03-07T09:42:00.000-08:00

Major League Baseball is no longer our grandfathers’ game. Gone are the days of players spending their entire careers with one club. In fact, I can only count seven active players who are sure bets to retire with the teams that brought them into the league, and they’ll all be gone in three or four years.

They are:

Chipper Jones, Atlanta, 1993, 1995-2010
Derek Jeter, NY Yankees, 1995-2010
Jorge Posada, NY Yankees, 1995-2010
Mariano Rivera, NY Yankees, 1995-2010
Todd Helton, Colorado, 1997-2010
Jimmy Rollins, Philadelphia, 2001-2010
Ichiro Suzuki, Seattle, 2001-2010

Arguments could be made for Jason Varitek, Albert Pujols, Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, and Joe Mauer, but for these players it’s too early to be sure.

Free agency has become such a supply driven market that even the 2010 World Series MVP is no longer a member of the Giants’ team he led to the championship just four months ago. That’s right, Edgar Renteria pooh-poohed the Giants’ “disrespectful” one-year offer and took his playoff heroics with him to Cincinnati.

So, to get you caught up, prepare you for your fantasy drafts, and make sure you don’t embarrass yourself in a know-nothing, know-it-all, macho, baseball conversation, in which you reveal your own ignorance with a Bobby Cox reference, here are the top ten (plus) winter relocations that will most greatly impact the 2011 Major League Baseball season.

HONORABLE MENTION:

Matt Garza and Carlos Pena are no longer Rays. They’re both Cubs. Garza should beef up the rotation, and if Pena can stop striking out (avg. 160/yr) they should combine to help the Cubs finish third in the NL Central. Bottom line…103 years.

Hideki Matsui now plays for the Oakland Athletics. Great move on Billy Beane’s part because the Japanese following in the Bay area alone could double the club’s attendance. And, at age 52 (est.) Matsui still banged 21 HRs last year in Anaheim. Not bad.

Vernon Wells will take Matsui’s place in the Angels’ line-up. The Angels didn’t land any of the big names (Werth, Crawford), so they traded Mike Napoli and Juan Rivera (nothing) to Toronto for Wells. Basically, Toronto said, “If you’ll pay this guy the $75 Million we own him over the next 4 years, you can have him.”

Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon will serve as stopgaps for the leaking ship that is the USS Tampa Bay Rays. Ramirez hasn’t been the same since his suspension for the use of PEDs in 2009 (go figure), and Damon reached the pinnacle of his career in Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS. That was seven years ago. Neither will hit more than 10 HRs each, neither will be a threat to steal bases, neither will bat over .275, and both will deteriorate more rapidly on Tropicana’s artificial turf. But hey, good baseball hasn’t sold tickets in Tampa Bay, so maybe these ‘Idiots’ will draw a crowd.

The San Diego Padres couldn’t afford to sign Adrian Gonzales, so instead they signed a whole new team. They picked up Jason Bartlett (SS), Orlando Hudson (2B), Cameron Maybin (CF), and Jorge Cantu (1B), all of whom will start. They also grabbed Aaron Harang (SP) who was available because the Reds just had too much pitching, and Chad Qualls (RP), who has a career 3.76 ERA. We’ll see.

The Baltimore Orioles also went with the ‘let’s just buy a whole new team,’ concept this offseason. They now have Derrick Lee (1B), Vladamir Guerrero (DH), Mark Reynolds (3B), JJ Hardy (SS), and Kevin Gregg (RP). All will start. Gregg will pitch most days. The Orioles will still finish last in the AL East.

Freddi Gonzales will manage the Atlanta Braves. I’m curious to see the Braves managed by a human being. Bobby Cox reached untouchable superhuman status about a decade ago, so questioning managerial moves in Atlanta has been unheard of for some time.

You probably don’t know David DeJesus (OF), because he has been with the Kansas City Royals (you know, that minor league club that the Twins get to play 19 times a year), but check him out. He now plays for the Oakland A’s. He has a big bat and hits for average. If he can bounce back from a torn tendon in his thumb, he could add offense to a great pitching staff.

Adrian Beltre is now the third baseman for the Texas Rangers. I don’t get it. They had a perfectly good third baseman in Michael Young. And while Beltre is an upgrade of about 6 HRs, and 9 RBI, he isn’t the emotional soul of the Texas Rangers, Michael Young is.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, in my hand, I have tonight’s Top Ten list…”

10. Adam Dunn, Chicago White Sox

Although he has no ability to move at a rapid pace, can only be expected to bat .260, and will surely strike out at least 160 times, Adam Dunn is a beast. He has become a sure bet for 35 HRs and 100 RBI per season, and since he will essentially replace the 2010 platoon of Andruw Jones and Mark Kotsay who combined for a .235 average and over 100 strikeouts, without the power, I’d consider this a significant upgrade.

9. Dan Uggla, Atlanta Braves

Uggla is now a Brave. His defense is suspect, and he’ll be playing second base behind Derek Lowe and Tim Hudson, two pitchers that induce more ground balls than anyone else in the league. But he is a machine at the plate. He missed a total of 7 games in the past two seasons, and hasn’t hit less than 30 HRs since his rookie year in 2006, when he hit 27. The Braves will challenge the Phillies and Uggla will be a big part of that.

8. Jason Werth, Washington Nationals

Scott Boras strikes again. It is impossible to justify the terms of Jason Werth’s contract with the Washington Nationals. They agreed to pay the right fielder $126 Million over 7 years. Jayson Werth is a great player. He’s a five-tool guy who led the league in doubles and finished in the top ten in Runs and OBP in 2010. But that was with the Phillies, in a line-up where he batted between Jimmy Rollins, Shane Victorino, Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, and Raul Ibanez. In Washington, he’ll bat clean-up, between Nyjer Morgan, Ian Desmond, Ryan Zimmerman and Adam Laroche. In Philly, he was just a guy. In Washington he’ll be THE guy. His numbers will drop. And, for a team that finished 29th in the league hitting with runners in scoring position, the Nationals will not be helped by Werth’s .181 average in those situations. By the way, this is a team that could have re-signed Adam Dunn for $50 Million over four years. The same Adam Dunn who consistently hits 40 HRs with 100+ RBI. Now that’s a bargain.

7. Bobby Jenks, Boston Red Sox

The last time we saw Red Sox’ closer Jonathan Papelbon in the playoffs, he was completely imploding against the Angels during the 2009 NLDS. While Jenks will serve primarily as a bridge to Papelbon, don’t think that his experience closing games in Chicago wasn’t a consideration in Theo Epstein’s acquisition of the right-handed brute. He throws gas, has the lowest career ERA of anyone in the Red Sox pen, and it doesn’t hurt that he’s all fired up from his spat with former skipper Ozzie Guillen. With Papelbon closing, the Red Sox will win the AL East, but not the World Series.

6. Adrian Gonzalez, Boston Red Sox

Adrian Gonzalez was the San Diego Padres entire offense for the past three years. He has missed a total of 5 starts since 2005. Astounding. But in reality, the Red Sox basically bought themselves three years with this acquisition. Three years is the age difference between Gonzalaz and former Red Sox third basemen Adrian Beltre. Kevin Youkilis will move from first to third, making room for Gonzalez and filling the void left by Beltre. So, Gonzalez is basically replacing Beltre. Ok let’s get advanced for a second. One of my favorite sabermetric stats is RAR, Runs Above Replacement. The stat is a measure of a player’s run production above that of an average minor league replacement. Gonzalez has a RAR of 50. Beltre scored a 68 on that scale in 2010. So, while the Red Sox have locked up one of the best first basemen in the game, a 28-year-old who hits for power, average, and has a great glove, they are giving up 18 runs in 2011. It’s a great trade, but it falls short on immediate impact because of what they lost in Beltre.

5. Brian Fuentes & Grant Balfour, Oakland Athletics

If last year’s league stats were more than an aberration, if the steroid era is officially over, if baseball is indeed becoming a pitcher’s game again, then these were two HUGE acquisitions for the Oakland Athletics. With a stacked rotation of young studs Brett Anderson, Trevor Cahill, Dallas Braden, and Gio Gonzales, anchored by closer Andrew Bailey, Oakland fortified its line of defense adding this left-right punch of Fuentes and Balfour to the bullpen. The left-handed Fuentes led the AL in saves as recently as 2009, and had his lowest career WHIP mark in 2010. As for Balfour, after an incredible 2008 campaign in which he helped the Rays to the World Series with a 1.54 ERA in 51 appearances, he struggled a bit in 2009 before regaining form last year. In 2010 he appeared 57 times, striking out 56 while conceding only 17 walks. If the A’s can some how score some runs they could surprise the AL West this year.

4. Rafael Soriano, New York Yankees

What do you do when your closer, the best in the game, is about to retire? You go out and get the best young closer available to fill his shoes. Rafael Soriano is a 31-year-old who cut his teeth with the Braves, but really broke out with the Rays last year saving 45 games in 48 tries. Although he’s had numerous arm problems in the past, he has a lively 94mph fastball, a 91 mph cutter and a decent slider. The question for the Yankees will be whether they can get to the bullpen with a lead. If they do, it’s Soriano, Rivera, and game over.

3. Carl Crawford, Boston Red Sox

Carl Crawford is the total package. At 29 years of age, he brings speed (49 SB), power (20HR, 90RBI) and the third ranked defensive ability among all outfielders to the middle of the Red Sox line-up. As a lefty, his power numbers should rise with Fenway’s short porch in right. His work ethic is unparalleled, his demeanor cool and calm, and he already has 21 games of post-season experience. He replaces an underperforming platoon of veteran Mike Cameron and rookie Darnell McDonald. I’m not sure Crawford would have gotten $142 Million over seven years had it not been for Werth’s $126 Million deal, but that’s a justifiable markup considering his talent and longevity.

2. Cliff Lee, Philadelphia Phillies

If you’ve read this far, then you know enough about baseball to understand that the Philadelphia Phillies starting pitching rotation is quite possibly the best staff in the history of the game. Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Roy Oswalt, Cole Hamels, and Joe Blanton have the potential to do things that no group has ever done. A rotation like this buys an offense time during a slump. And while the Phillies are known for their high-powered offense, they struggled at times last summer to string together runs. In 2011 they might not needs runs, maybe just one run at a time.

1. Zack Greinke & Shaun Marcum, Milwaukee Brewers

Last year, during a discussion with one baseball executive I asked, “How can a team with offensive weapons as deadly as Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder take themselves seriously when Randy Wolf is their number two starter?” He laughed and said, “I’m not really sure what they’re expecting.”

The Brewers scored 750 runs in 2010 (3rd in the NL) and still managed to finish eight games under .500 thanks to a pitching staff that was better than only two other teams in baseball.

Acquiring Greinke alone would have put the Brewers at number six on this list. He was the 2009 AL Cy Young Award Winner, and despite an inflated ERA (4.20) in 2010, he earned a 48 RAR value, good enough to rank seventh among AL starters.

Marcum is a 29-year-old righty whose value continues to rise three years after Tommy John surgery. In 2010, he went 13-9 with a 3.54 ERA.

Both of these guys are about to get much better by moving to the NL, where they won’t deal with the DH. Along with Yovani Gallardo, the Brewers have constructed a legitimate rotation with Randy Wolf a more realistic 4th starter.

This combination acquisition of starting pitching will give the Brewers what they need to compete with the Reds for the NL Central crown.

WANTED: WINNER

2009-12-08T23:45:00.000-08:00

First, let’s all agree on something; despite giving us three great, highly anticipated match-ups to look forward to, the BCS is a sham. Period.

How ironic, that in America, a country built upon winning – both in history and hypothesis – we support a major college football television product that offers us full seasons of drama and action that boil to a climax, but in the end fail to deliver a clear and decisive winner. Excuse me?

This year’s Bull Crap Show (BCS) season finales will tease the audience once again. With four of the five (yes, there are FIVE) undefeated teams in the country pitted against each other in their scheduled bowls, the season will inevitably end with at least two teams still undefeated, and a computer arbitrarily naming one of them the winner.

Sounds stupid, doesn’t it?

I consider it unfair to whine about something unless you can offer a better solution.

Here’s my solution:

President Obama almost had it right when he offered up his 8-team playoff idea in a 60 Minutes interview last year. But he proposed a playoff that would begin after the regular bowl schedule commenced, and that won’t work. The “Academics” of the NCAA would pooh-pooh a schedule that has their student athletes playing football through the winter, and well into the second collegiate sports season.

Instead, I say, use the pageantry of the four existing BCS bowls to kick off the BCS Playoffs.

As it is now, the bowl season starts December 19th. We don’t even need to start that early. Start Christmas weekend. Start with the Rose, Sugar, Fiesta, and Orange Bowls showcasing the ‘Elite Eight’ weekend of College Football. Two games can be played the following week, on New Year’s Day (see also “Big Ad Money”). Then the BCS Championship game can be played on January 7th, the exact date on which it’s already scheduled to occur. Winner take all. Done.

As for the old money, the tradition of conference winners typically playing in certain bowl games needs to end. A spot in a bowl must be earned by finishing in the “Top 8.” If it makes everyone more comfortable, a “Top 8” finish for a Big Ten team could earn it a priority pass directly to Pasadena. Heck, Jim Tressel can even wear a Rose boutonniere on his vest. And his Got-Hot-At-The-Right-Time-Buckeyes could do a lot of damage from the 8-seed. Starting to sound fun, huh?

As for the real money, group the ABC deal for the Rose Bowl and the Fox deal for the other BCS games into one big sum, and divvy out the money to the conferences in the order that their teams finish in the Final BCS Standings. Twenty-five percent goes to first place, eighteen percent to second place and so-on, until the conferences are compensated FAIRLY for their teams’ performance. Uh-Oh! Look out for the Mountain West Conference. Of course, such a plan would force the “Academics” to swallow hard and confess the dirty little secret that their schools are actually playing for money. Scandalous.

And, as for the city of Pasadena and the Rose Bowl Committee, they’ll just have to add ‘Float Building,’ to their ‘Pre-Holiday Things To Do’ list. They have 331 (but who's counting) rainless days per year. They can handle it.

Let’s not kid ourselves here. College Football is Minor League NFL. And what better way exists to evaluate a player’s talent than to make him perform under the utmost pressure, against the stiffest competition?

In the end, fans would get to see two more classic games; nobody would have to pretend to care about the Orange Bowl; the NCAA, the schools, and most importantly, the Scholarship Foundations would reap the benefits of a 7-game playoff in which ALL of the games matter. And, incidentally, a winner would actually be crowned.

A winner? In this country? Um, yes please.

WHAT KIND OF A FAN ARE YOU?

2009-10-18T17:39:00.000-07:00

For now, we’re talking about baseball, so if you’re not sure how to answer the question above, I’ll give you three choices:

First, you could be Fan #1. He goes to a game once a year, twice maybe, but most likely, the second game is at the invitation of a friend who paid for his ticket. He probably never played baseball on any organized team, and he only watches the MLB playoffs if his hometown team is playing.

Or, maybe you’re Fan #2. He reads about his home team most mornings when he wakes up. He had season tickets at one point, but he doesn’t anymore. He watches the playoffs partly because he likes baseball, but mostly because he wants to be able to talk about the games with his coworkers. He can tell you who the best teams in the league are, but he’d look at you funny if you said ‘Zack Greinke.”

If you’re truly obsessed, you may be Fan #3. He loves baseball. He loves it because it ties him to his father, and his grandfathers, and the men who built this country before them. He loves the magnificently cerebral experience that is a game of baseball. He definitely played, or, if not, wrote about his high school team. He watches Baseball Tonight whenever he can. If he doesn’t have season tickets, its because he either doesn’t live in his hometown, or simply can’t afford them.

It doesn’t matter what kind of fan you are. Major League Baseball will take us all.

But, if you play the game, manage the game, own the game, announce the game, promote the game, write about the game, or really, really care about the game, you must be Fan #3. You must love the game. You must stand up for it.

This week, I stood up for baseball.

In his article, which you can read by clicking here, William C. Rhoden of the New York Times claims that a Yankees-Dodgers World Series would be the only great match up for baseball. He says:

“…With all due respect to those other potential matchups, it’s a Yankees-Dodgers World Series that could take the game back to its roots at a time when baseball desperately needs to recover a portion of the trust, if not the innocence, that it has lost in the steroid era.”

What follows is the letter I sent to Mr. Rhoden and his editors at The Times.

Dear Mr. Rhoden,

I write to commend you on your October 11th column, in which you claim that a Yankees-Dodgers World Series would be the best match-up for baseball, the only truly ‘Great Series’, and a ‘Series for the ages.’

The intention of your piece is a good one. Clearly, you care about the future of the game, and in searching for a good story you found an option that may provide a therapeutic moment of closure to the steroid era. But, I also write to challenge you, since, I would ask, “For once, why can’t baseball, alone, be the story?”

We’ve been so conditioned to dig for the ancillary plot lines, I’m afraid we’re missing the obvious beauty in the game itself. It can’t be ignored that the four teams left standing are the best four teams from the 2009 season. When was the last time that happened? These four teams finished first or second in each of their leagues, and they were the top four teams in all of baseball when playing teams with winning records. The Dodgers and Phillies are in the midst of a heavyweight bout. They traded devastating offensive blows in Game 1, and then gave us a pitching duel for the ages in Game 2. The Yankees, on the other hand, needed every bit of muscle they could muster to outlast the scrappy Angels in 13 rainy innings late into Sunday morning.

In match-ups this close and with teams this talented, the speed of the game is breathtaking. The pressure each team puts on its opponent influences every play, since any mistake could be the difference in the game, and the Series. And with games this good, the two best teams will inevitably advance to the World Series.

Besides, any way you slice it, the World Series will sell itself.

A Dodgers-Angels final would put Baseball’s biggest stage under America’s brightest lights in Los Angeles.

A Yankees-Phillies series would pit the two deepest offensive clubs against each other, and bring the defending champs back to the ring to face the most dominant franchise in World Series history.

A Phillies-Angels battle – clearly the least attractive for Fox – would still include two of the top 5 major markets in the country, and pair the two most fundamentally balanced teams in the game.

And, yes, if a Yankees-Dodgers series is what we get, it too will be great. It will be great for pitting the Yankees, a group of championship veterans managed by a second year coach, against the Dodgers, a group of future champions who are managed by the Yankees’ old veteran skipper. It will be great for matching up two teams that refused to lose in 2009. But for all the reasons that a Yankees-Dodgers World Series would be a great one, Alex Rodriguez and Manny Ramirez aren’t on that list of reasons.

If we really want to move on from the steroid era, then let’s stop talking about it altogether. Because hyping Alex Rodriguez and Manny Ramirez – two whose faces will forever be etched in the steroid era’s stone of Mount Mash-More – would only remind America of baseball’s tainted past. It would only reinforce the persistence of baseball’s soiled decade, and the dishonesty of the game’s heroes.

Mr. Rhoden, for those of us who love the game, who care about the game, who want the steroid era to be a transgression of the past, let us not perpetuate the continuation of this sour topic. Let us instead prop up the great teams left standing, with honest heroes named Jeter, Howard, Hunter and Kemp. And let us pass on to the newest fans a postseason of great games, a strategy of winning baseball, and a tradition that is purely exhilarating.

Respectfully,
DJ Gregory, Philadelphia, PA

IT MAKES SENSE

2009-10-12T10:36:00.000-07:00

I have acted as a therapist of sorts all season.

Mostly, my clients have been Philadelphians. Since I live on the west coast, and can therefore watch from afar instead of being sucked into the funnel of worry and cynicism that is the local Philadelphia sports opinion, I can approach things from a slightly less emotional place. I’m a rational guy. I believe in things that make sense.

I believe in The Phillies. The Phillies make sense.

It makes sense when Charlie Manuel makes the tough decision to start JA Happ last night, a lefty, the sort that the Rockies don’t hit well.

It makes sense when he has the conviction to pull the young starter in the top of the fourth. Cholly makes tough decisions.

It makes sense when Carlos Ruiz, who, by the way, since the NLCS against the Dodgers last year is now batting .341 with 7 RBI in the post season, helps his staff out with two RBI hits tonight. Chooch is clutch.

And then the ninth inning arrives, and all you can do is hope. You just hope things keep making sense.

You hope that your leadoff hitter, Jimmy Rollins, is gutsy enough to tough out his early post season struggles to slap one through and get on base. You hope Victorino can get the bunt down and make it interesting by flying to first. You hope Utley busts it down the line, even if the ball DID go off of his shin, even if he WAS out at first base, just to give the umpire the chance to call him safe for his hustle. You hope Howard can hit a fly ball. You hope.

And on a cold night at Coors Field, it kept making sense, until…

…Brad Lidge walked in from right field, and nobody knew what made sense anymore. That’s what made last night’s finish ‘epic,’ as my dad so appropriately texted.

The moment he walked out of the bullpen I started jumping around like a 6-year-old on Christmas Eve, pulling the hair on my head from its roots, screaming, “He’s coming in! He’s coming in!”

Though Carlos Gonzales did his best to single handedly keep the Rockies in the playoffs, Lidge was clutch. With nobody but the struggling Myers, the young Bastardo, and the questionable Kendrick left behind him, Brad Lidge stepped up, rode the momentum of his team’s loyalty and got three big outs. He saved the game, and, ultimately, it makes no sense.

Side note, I’d have paid a few ‘G’s’ to have been a ‘fly on the mound’ for Charlie Manuel’s think tank session before Helton’s at bat in the ninth. Seemed like he said something like, “Pitch around Helton, I know you’ve got Tulowitzki…oh, and don’t screw up again.”

For a game that relies so heavily on numbers, and trends, and rationale, the climax of Game Three was an unforgettable moment in Philadelphia sports history where the hero closer who limped into the playoffs got reinvented by postseason pressure; resurrected by pure emotion.

The Phillies proved themselves to be the resilient bunch they claimed to be all week with a gutsy, come from behind victory, in a frigidly hostile environment, capped by an unimaginable ninth inning. They found a way to win when it made sense. They found a way to win when it made no sense.

They know how to do it.

After all, they’re still the champs.

WHAT WOULD MOM THINK?

2009-09-18T18:45:00.000-07:00

When did the American Dream become the American Expectation? How did the struggle of our fathers and grandfathers get twisted into the sense of entitlement of today’s youth? Why is a victory no longer a reward for excellence, but instead, a birthright demanded by every competitor in every arena?

For two weeks now, America has been sitting on the couch, scrolling through the channels, nearly frantic to escape the line-up of whiners, crybabies, and sore-losers clogging the bandwidth. Video, indeed, has killed the radio star.

During President Obama’s healthcare address, Congressman Joe Wilson wasn’t being told what he wanted to hear, so he shouted, “You Lie!” He lost his cool, and may lose his house seat.

When Taylor Swift won her first MTV Video Music award – beating out Beyonce Knowles – Kanye West was so disheartened by the results, he stole the 17-year-old’s mic, but not her MoonMan (the statue presented to winners), and since then, everyone from Jay-Z, to Wilbon, to The Commander In-Chief himself thinks Kanye should be sent to the Moon, man.

Serena Williams… well, you know what Serena did. The call didn’t go her way. She pouted for a second, stared in disbelief, and then flipped the lunatic switch and tarnished her image as a great American champion, maybe, forever.

And, after last week’s college football opener, Oregon running back LeGarrette Blount, disgusted in defeat, threw a post-game sucker punch that dropped Boise State’s Byron Hout to the ground. The punch also dropped Blount from a 2nd round NFL draft prospect to, as one scout put it, “…totally undraftable.”

From Michael Jordan to Roger Federer, to Jerry Jones, I could continue, but I’ll stop.

I’ll stop because while every one of these public outbursts was an inexcusable, condemnable, pathetic tantrum by some spoiled brat unsatisfied with a given outcome, in the end, the brat becomes the loser. All of them become losers. They all let their passions get the best of them. They all stood up as individuals, and as individuals they all fell down. They all apologized – some more sincerely than others – and they all suffered. And for all of those reasons, none of the aforementioned embarrassments goes down as the most appalling of the last fortnight.

So, what does?

Monday night the Buffalo Bills flew to Foxboro to welcome Tom Brady back to the NFL. In his first game back from knee surgery, Brady was stymied by a competent Bills defense, and with just over five minutes left in the game, Buffalo led by 11 points. But after a vintage Brady touchdown drive, Leodis McKelvin, in an attempt to improve the Bills’ field position and all but ice the game, fumbled the ball during the return of the ensuing kickoff. Uh Oh.

Cue the spotlight.

Cue the hero music.

Close on Brady’s determined gaze.

Touchdown.

Pats win.

When Leodis McKelvin returned to his home in Buffalo Tuesday morning, vandals had spray painted the final score of the game, along with a large penis, on his lawn.

Hideous.

First, you’re a fan. Period. You’re not an elected official. You’re not an icon of the music industry. You’re not arguably the greatest female tennis player of all time. You’re not trying to win a national championship. (Not that any of these roles stand for an excuse). You’re a fan; that’s it; a spectator; a consumer of entertainment. You enjoy yourself at the game, or you don’t, but either way, you go home afterwards, you avoid Sportscenter, and you go to bed.

Second, as the passage goes, “He is not a full man who does not own a piece of land.” No matter how large the arena, or how grave the disappointment, to take a matter to a man’s home, to trespass and to threaten are acts of a felon, not a fan. If Serena torched the rulebook on the lawn of the line judge, or if LeGarrette Blount crashed the Boise State after-party to start a brawl, they both would go to jail.

But Third, and most critically, the cowardice revealed in the Buffalo defacement is frightening. The mob mentality in sports’ fans across the country and around the globe is dangerous in its anonymity. Just because 60,000 other goons share your displeasure with the outcome on the field doesn’t mean you cease to be an individual. Your retaliation may be faceless, or so you think, but the hurt isn’t, and your punishment won’t be either. You see, it all starts with a sneaky beer toss at an umpire in Yankee Stadium. It escalates to a spray painting in Buffalo. But it ends with a gunshot, or 12, to be exact, fired by a ‘fan,’ that killed Andres Escobar, the Columbian footballer whose misplay caused his team to be ousted from the 1994 World Cup.

On Thursday, two Buffalo teens turned themselves in for the incident at McKelvin’s house. He refused to press charges. The Erie County DA’s office may have other plans.

Of the countless video bytes I have watched this week, my most favorite was one of Jay Leno interviewing Kanye West. Speaking of Kanye’s mother, who Leno previously met, and who has since passed away, Jay asked, “Kanye, what would your mother have said about this?” All Kanye could muster were tears.

As football season heats up, and the baseball playoffs begin, this act of idiocy stands as a reminder. No matter how many people share our discontent, in the end, we are all individuals. In the end, we are not a mob. And in the heat of the moment, we shouldn’t forget to ask ourselves, “What would my mother have to say about this?”

CLOSING TIME

2009-09-11T06:41:00.000-07:00

Everyone has that cousin. You know the one. You see him at family get-togethers and he always has an idea, an invention, or a scheme. Your uncle tells you to ignore his rambling imaginings, but how could you? After all, he’s the one teaching you to shoot pool in the basement, showing you how to make a whiffle ball rise as it crosses the plate (talk about cheese), stealing you away from boring summer card games to enjoy the splendor of a humid round of miniature golf, with two scoops in a cone to finish. We all have that cousin, right? Well, I do, and, I hope you do too.

So, when Tom emailed me one of his famous ideas this week, I took it to heart. And with Brad Lidge lost in the wilderness, and the Phillies searching for another messiah to guide them to the Promised Land, Tom’s outlandish hypothesis seemed surprisingly reasonable:

“Hey Cheese, can’t find a place for Jamie Moyer? How about as a closer? Don’t laugh…hear me out…when the game is on the line…with a 1 run deficit…what does every batter want to do? He’s looking for the magical walk-off homer…free swinging…and those are the guys that can’t hit Moyer. Hitters are much better against Jamie the second and third time through the line-up…Check out the stats. Do me a favor, and look up his ERA in the first couple innings of his starts…I think you’ll be surprised.”

I did. And, since I’m not just any ordinary flinger of cheese, I used my Whizardry to take it a step further. After all, this is not just about Jamie Moyer. This is about a team that needs a closer. This is about our team, Tom…

As I see it, Brad Lidge is done. You can give him a few more opportunities here and there for the remainder of the regular season, especially if the Braves and Fish continue to blow opportunities to pull off a copycat performance of the 2008 Phillies’ comeback. . When Lidge had similar troubles in Houston, they sat him, and it led to an even bigger disaster bordering on a total mental breakdown, so putting him completely on ice may have its larger consequences. Additionally, Lidge still has24 million in contract dollars coming to him after this season. So I think, from a management standpoint, you have to keep his head in it a little bit longer. But, as far as the playoffs and pressure situations are concerned, he's done, as in: he's on the menu at Harry The K’s tonight, well done.

So who are our other options?

JAMIE MOYER:

There are a few stats that might lead you to believe that Moyer would do really well in Save situations. Here they are:

1. In 26 appearances this season, he has NEVER walked the first batter he faced. NEVER. That bodes well for a good start to the ninth. Lidge has given more free-passes than the Cape May County beach tag checkers.

2. As Tom predicted, Moyer’s opponents’ batting average the first time through the line-up is .249. The second time through it jumps to .297, and stays about the same for their third turn.

3. Moyer’s strikeout-to-walk ratio (this is a key stat for closers) is 2.33 the first time through the line-up (anything over 2.00 is good) and it falls off to 1.87 by the third time through the line-up.

These positives aside, there are some problems with Tom’s theory...

1. Moyer’s ERA is consistent; and consistently bad. This year, it stays right around 5.47 for each of the first 4 innings. And, in 26 appearances, he gives up at least 1 run in the first inning about 60% of the time. There aren't any huge outliers to throw off the average. He gave up 3 in the first inning in a start against Toronto, and 4 in the first in a game against the Mets. Otherwise, a consistent 1 run concession in the first seems to plague a lot of his starts. Looking at the numbers, I would expect him to give up at least 1 run in every two appearances if he were to be a closer. That’s not good enough.

2. Moyer’s opponent’s batting average against him is the highest (.349) in tie-game situations, and 2nd highest (.317) when the opposing team trails by 1 run. Those are not good pressure numbers!

3. His best stats, BY FAR (BAA - Batting Average Against of .182, and only 2 ER in 51 plate appearances) come when he has a lead of 4 runs or more. It's easy to paint the corners when you have a big lead and umpires just want to shower up and have a beer. They call everything within an area code of the plate a strike, and the first round is on Moyer.

4. 46-year-olds don't do well pitching on consecutive days. No 46-year-old athlete performs well on consecutive days, unless, of course, he’s named Bonds, and has friends at BALCO.

5. Anyone who knows anything about Jamie Moyer knows that his LONG pre-game routine and his extensive mental preparation are what make him as crafty as he is when he's at his best.

So, while Tom raises a very interesting point, I can't say I agree with his hypothesis after looking at the numbers.

Where do we go next?

PEDRO MARTINEZ:

Pedro’s career numbers as a starter are so good it’s hard to get a feel for anything, but here are some amazing stats...

1. Lifetime, leadoff hitters in any inning hit .219 off of him, and his SO/BBratio is 4.26 ...WOW!

2. It gets even better than that when you look at his first time through the line-up: BAA = .210, and SO/BB 4.44 ...DOUBLE WOW!

However, Pedro is clearly a different pitcher now. This season (although its hard to tell, because he's gotten rained on twice), his best stats come during his 3rd time through the line-up. He has learned to work the ball, and rely less on power. So, while Michael Wilbon (from PTI, whom I love) thinks Pedro should close for the Phils, I think he's wrong.

Next.

BRETT MYERS:

1. The guy is a head case. Period. He has trouble settling in. His best numbers are the second time through the line-up, by far.

2. Myers walks 1 out of every 6 batters he faces in the first inning of his appearances, and that is not a stat you like in the ninth inning of a tight game.

3. Myers’ 1st Inning Stats: BAA = .260; OBP = .400; SO/BB = 1.30 ....not great, at all.

Myers can set-up. So, that leaves us with…

RYAN MADSON:

Madson gets the ball.

1. There is a statistic kept on pitchers called "Late and Close." This pertains to games in the 7th, 8th, or 9th, with the batting team tied, or within one run. THIS IS WHEN RYAN MADSON HAS HIS BEST NUMBERS! (BAA = .249; 2.50 SO/BB ratio)

2. He is even better than that in his first 25 pitches of an appearance, where his SO/BB ratio jumps to 2.89, and opponents hit only .257.

3. The first time through the line-up teams hit .258 against him. The second time through, their average balloons to .325 ...whoa now.

So, if I were Charlie Manuel, I’d let Lidge have a few more cracks at it, as long as the division lead is over 5 games. It will benefit the organization in the long run if Lidge doesn’t totally disintegrate. Ultimately, Pedro and Jamie will be there to clean up the mess in aisle (inning) 6 during the playoffs, following the starts of Lee, Hamels, Happ and Blanton. But when it comes down to crunch time Madson has both the heat and the change-up to be a closer.. It's time for him to step up and be the guy for this club.

MUSTN'T SEE TV

2009-09-05T12:29:00.000-07:00

If you want to watch your home team play on Sunday, you might have to move.

This week, a barrage of articles were written criticizing Roger Goodell and the greedy NFL for threatening to blackout locally televised games – as they always have – if the home team doesn’t sell out the stadium 72 hours prior to kickoff. With blackouts likely in at least 5 cities, and 75% of Sunday afternoon ticket dropouts pointing to a lack of funds as their reason for cancelling subscriptions, crusading journalists are begging for the mercy of loyal fans; fans too strapped to buy a ticket; fans, who, without a local broadcast, will be unable to see their home team play.

Stop whining. And, as my father would say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

In 1961, then commissioner Pete Rozelle (a genius), looked into the eyes of the NFL owners and said something like: “You want to make money? You want your franchises to be worth more than they are now? Then stop being selfish. Make the success of the league your priority, and your team will be richer for it.”

Did it work? You’re darn right it did.

The “League Think” mentality gave birth to a joint television deal with CBS for $2.3 million per year that has now grown to include FOX, ESPN, NBC, and DIRECTV at a whopping $2.3 BILLION per year. Rozelle basically printed his own winning Mega Millions ticket and handed it to the league.

For a revenue sharing system to work, however, there must be accountability. The big market Cowboys, Redskins and Patriots shouldn’t be asked to blindly concede 40% of their gate receipts to the greater good if small market teams, like the Jaguars, and Lions, and Rams (Oh, My!), aren’t going to do their part by fielding a competitive team and diligently marketing the product to local fans. This isn’t a free ride to The Emerald City, folks.

“We tried our best, but the economy is in shambles,” they cry!

The economy crumbled 11 months ago, and NFL owners were on the front lines. This fraternity of financially savvy tycoons knew what was in store for the American consumer a year ago. They knew full well that season ticket subscribers would be lost. They knew full well that wallets would be empty. And how did they react? Who was running their marketing departments, Laurel and Hardy? And, would someone please tell me, whatever happened to ‘thinking outside of the box?’

Every other moneymaking entity in America has been forced to adapt to the pressures of a bear market. NFL teams should not be exempt. The average NFL ticket cost $72 last year. Why not offer discounts? Why not offer single game options, or even 2 or 4 game packages, rather than the full 8-game plans that fans are now held hostage by? Why not spare season ticket holders the pain of pre-season detention, having to watch the taxi squad three or four times, when they would rather just stay at the beach for the weekend?

Here’s an idea: if so many Americans are unemployed, why not hire a few, on a commission basis, to investigate thriving local businesses in your area and recruit those profiting companies and their employees to buy up your newly vacant seats? Because let’s be real; this isn’t a 162 game baseball schedule nor an 82 game basketball schedule.

It’s a 16 game season! Only 8 are played at home! EIGHT!

That means there are only 400,000 seats to sell. That number pales in comparison to the 1.6 million tickets the flailing, basement dwelling, small-market, I-can’t-name-more-than-two-guys-on-the-team Pittsburgh Pirates of baseball sold this season.

If NFL teams failed to address these basic economic concerns, then they’re flat-out stupid. But worse, if they knowingly watched ticket sales drop while secretly hoping the league would bail them out in the end, then please, say it with me, “KEEP THEM DARK!” Punish these franchises that planned on riding the coattails of an otherwise thriving economic system.

“But, it’s the fans who suffer!” Yes, it is. That’s what they get when they root for a team run by Al Davis.

Being a football fan is a funny thing. Because, while a guy in Jacksonville might say he’s a fan of the Jaguars, and a young girl in Detroit will claim to be a Lions fan, they’re both wrong. They are both fans of the NFL. Period.

The product is not an individual team. The product is a competitive contest, between two fairly matched teams, with an unpredictable outcome. That is why we watch the games. That is why we manage fantasy teams. That is why NFL gambling is a multi-million dollar industry in Las Vegas. And, thanks to 4 major networks, satellite TV and the internet, a fan who can’t watch the Raiders from his home in Berkeley can just as easily become a fan of the Vikings, the Steelers, the Colts, or a handful of other small-market teams whose exciting, sold-out, raucous stadiums will be aired every week by a league proud to show you such an overwhelming sensory experience.

If there is any criticism to be made of the NFL, it is in its policing of non-sharable revenues. Thanks to the efforts of individualists like Jerry Jones, teams that own their own stadiums can create alternative streams of income from concessions to parking to summer concerts. And if these capitalistic ventures remain unbridled, small market teams will not be able to keep pace with an ever-rising salary cap and competitive economic demands. The very semi-socialistic foundation that has lifted the NFL to great heights will surely come crumbling down.

For now, the system works. Stop whining. Get creative. Sell some tickets.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

I GOT YOUR BACK, BRAD

2009-08-29T17:43:00.000-07:00

The Philadelphia Phillies have a problem. They have a huge problem. They can’t finish.

Indisputably perfect in their 2008 championship season was their closer, Brad Lidge. But since falling to his knees following the final out of that mystical run, Lidge has been abandoned by the very same baseball gods before whom he knelt on that holy night last October. His fastball is just a bit less precise, making his nasty slider look like just another red-light tramp, ignored as she passes by. Walks have become common, his ERA has skyrocketed to 7.17, and his perfect 48-of-48 save record of a year ago has already been replaced by 9 blown saves.

In an attempt to quell my own fears and those of my panicking brethren, I delved deeply into Baseball Reference hoping to identify a past team that has won the World Series with such a poor performance from their closer. What did I find? The only team in the last 25 years that has won the World Series with a closer who blew at least 9 regular season saves was the 2006 St. Louis Cardinals. And they shouldn’t count, because their save-blower, Jason Isringhausen (10 blown), injured his hip in early September of that year and didn’t play in the 2006 playoffs. Aside from the ’06 Cards, no recent team has won a World Series when their closer has blown more than 7 save opportunities.

Panic turned to instant hysteria. “Oh, no,” I thought, “What are we going to do?”

Like any true blooded Philadelphian, I ditched Plan A – logic and reason – and moved quickly to Plan B – insecure defensiveness. Since Lidge’s atrocious stat clearly (sarcasm font needed) bars any chance of a Phillies repeat, I will cease consoling myself, and instead gather stones to throw at every other team left standing.

I got your back, Brad.

So, with even more help from Baseball Reference, here are ten stats that surely substantiate how no team mentioned below can win the World Series this year.

Preface: Tampa Bay dumped salary last night by trading Scott Kazmir to the Angels. They’re done. No team has won the World Series with an average age under 27 years since the 1969 Mets (25.8 years), so this year’s Florida Marlins (26.8 years), are done. The Braves can’t run. Seriously, they can’t. They have 47 stolen bases this season, or, 0.36 per game, which puts them on pace for 58 at season’s end. No team has ever won it all by stealing that few bases. Atlanta is done.

I’m just getting warm.

10. Texas Rangers. Although not the youngest team in history at 27.9 years, the Rangers’ youth – as often does – is wreaking havoc on their patience and pitch selection at the plate. Their 1006 strikeouts, compared to 379 walks, give them a SO/BB ratio of 2.66. Only three teams in history* (modern baseball) have won the World Series with a ratio over 2.0. And, no team has ever won the World Series with a ratio higher than 2.30 (2005 Chicago White Sox). Texas is out.

9. San Francisco Giants. Boy, do the Giants know how to ruin a good thing. Their run support is so bad (this sounds like a ‘fat momma’ joke) that if the Giants went the distance, Matt Cain (12-4, 2.39 ERA) and Tim Lincecum (13-4, 2.34 ERA) could be the first duo ever with ERAs under 3.00 who fail to win 16 games apiece. Only three other pitchers in World Series history have had such little run support, and never have there been two such aces on one staff. Stay tuned for what should be 6 more starts apiece, but expect the Giants to fall short.

8. Chicago White Sox. Defense wins championships. The White Sox have booted it 97 times. Their .980 fielding percentage would be the lowest since that of the 1989 Oakland A’s. And, it looks like Mark Buerhle emptied his swing-and-miss reservoir earlier this summer. The White Sox are kicked out.

7. LA Angels. The Angel’s 4.87 ERA would be the highest in history (1960) to win a World Series. And, picking up Scott Kazmir’s five-point-seven-niner won’t help. Only the 2000 New York Yankees came close to this mess, with their own 4.76 earned run nightmare. To heaven you go.

6. LA Dodgers. I could have pointed to the Dodger’s terrible homerun output, but for now, I’ll spare them any analysis of that incompetence. But where’s the starter stamina? No team has ever won the World Series with fewer than 4 complete games from their starters. The Dodgers have 1 complete game. And the guy who threw it (Eric Stults) is now enjoying the view of the tumbleweeds from the team bus rides in Triple A. Albuequerque. They can’t go the distance.

Now, it gets tougher…

5. Detroit Tigers. Here’s a weird one. No team has ever (again, since 1960) won the World Series with less than 250 doubles. The Tigers have 186 two baggers, and they are on pace to hit 239 of that variety. I think they’re in what must be called “double trouble.”

4. St. Louis Cardinals. Offensively, here’s what the Cardinals have; a .415 slugging percentage, a .746 OPS, and 129 homeruns. And don’t forget, King Albert has 40 of those bombs all to himself. No team has won with offensive numbers that low since the ’97 Marlins. And, while Ryan Ludwick, who has hit 18 homers, is likely to connect on at least 2 more before season’s end, if he doesn’t, the Cardinals would be the first team since – you guessed it – the 1982 Cardinals – to attempt to win a World Series without two twenty-homerun guys. The Cardinals are power OUTaged.

Now, it gets really tough…

3. Colorado Rockies. Personally, I’m more worried about the Rockies than I am about Brad Lidge. They’re good. They’re hot. And, they’ve done it to the Phillies before. But, try this stat on for size. Before the 2004 Red Sox, no team with more than 1100 strikeouts had ever won the World Series, and only a handful of teams with 1000 K’s had accomplished the unlikely feat. And while K counts have been rising in recent years, the Rockies 7.68 strikeouts per game puts them on pace for 1245 sit-downs at season’s end. That’s a whiff of thin air. Strike. Out.

2. Boston Red Sox. Josh Beckett is having some problems right now, but if I lived in ‘The Nation,’ I’d be more concerned with the ups and downs of the starting line-up. Offensively, no team since the 1988 Dodgers has won the World Series with more than one everyday starter hitting under .240. The Red Sox have two such stars in Jason Varitek (.224) and David Ortiz (.230.) Although not technically “everyday starters,” Nick Green, who is hitting .230, and Casey Kotchman, currently sporting a lusty .216, clearly help to lower the offensive curve. Bye-bye BoSox.

1. New York Yankees. The Yankees are very, very confident. But two things must be remembered; One, the Phillies took two-out-of-three in the regular season, on the Yanks’ home turf (what is the name of that place where they play now?). Two, the Yankees have A-Rod. Enough said.

Wow, do I feel better now. Because as every hot blooded Philadelphia fan knows, half of what propels us is the ability to scream at the other team, “We might suck, but you suck worse than we do.” So come on Brad, pull it together. In a year where everyone else is so bad, you don’t have to be perfect.

I can hardly wait for the parade.

WINNERS AND LOSERS: MLB TRADE DEADLINE

2009-08-22T12:04:00.000-07:00

It was the spring of 1994, and I was still numb. The cold winter had only intensified that frozen moment in my mind’s eye. You know the one. I don’t have to remind you. I don’t have to say his name – the other JC – the savior of Toronto. His was the only walk off grand slam in the history of the World Series, and it chilled my fragile, adolescent heart.

I opened the paper, eager, hoping I might find a different box score, a happier result, or maybe even a preview to the Game 7 that never happened. Instead, I found something totally different.

There, on the second page of the Philadelphia Inquirer’s sports section, under the heading, ‘MLB STANDINGS,’ new zeros had spread and divided. These clones took their places in vertical columns of ‘Wins,’ ‘Losses,’ ‘Winning Percentage,’ ‘Games Behind,’ and ‘Last 10.’ But now, the teams, whose play they represented, were mixed and matched in six divisions, instead of four. A ‘Central’ division had sprung up – out of nowhere – in the American and National Leagues. The Braves had somehow migrated to the Eastern Division (what a novel thought, considering their proximity to the Atlantic Ocean). And, the Milwaukee Brewers had jumped ship and found a new home in the National League? Whoa!

Realignment happened prior to the 1994 season, and I was none too thrilled. I thought it would detract from the importance of “Winning the Pennant.” I believed it would mar the tradition of the leagues, and the rivalries within them. And I insisted that the term ‘Wild Card,’ was one reserved for the NFL, family poker nights, and the likelihood of my mother’s punctuality.

I was wrong. I was way wrong.

Realignment has been awesome for the game of baseball. Today is August 21st. There are less than six weeks remaining in the MLB season and 15 teams still have hopes of making the playoffs. That’s if you include teams within 5 games of a division lead or a wild card spot. If you extend that deficit to 7 games – the same margin the Phillies overcame in two weeks last season – you can resuscitate Minnesota and Seattle (for now) and raise that number to 17 teams. That’s more than half the league!

What once appeared merely to be a superfluous tidying of the divisions has changed the name of the economic-game in baseball. What MLB did fifteen years ago is now enabling more teams to engage their fans deeper into the season, thus prolonging positive revenue streams from ticket sales, concessions, merchandise, and playoff packages. Now, it doesn’t matter if you have a world champion. It doesn’t even matter if you win the pennant. A franchise maintains success as long as it fields a team that can keep fans interested by contending for a division title or staying in the hunt for a wild card spot late into the season.

On August 1st, the day after the trade deadline, ESPN’s talking heads decided (however prematurely) that enough dust had settled, so they rolled tape and handed out report cards grading teams on their just-completed deadline deals. I chose, instead, to wait a few weeks, and see how last month’s trades would help prolong playoff hopes for teams around the league.

So, without further adieu, here are “The Cheese Whizard’s Winners and Losers: MLB Trade Deadline Edition.”

WINNERS: LOS ANGELES DODGERS
The Dodgers made a small move, by picking up left-handed reliever George Sherrill from the Orioles. And for a team that was leading the majors with a 62-37 record when the deadline week started, small was sufficient.

The only way the Dodgers can improve upon last year is to survive a likely NLCS match-up with the Philadelphia Phillies. The combination of the Phillies left-hand heavy line-up, the Dodger’s dearth of left-handed relievers, and the memory of the Game 4 bullpen debacle from a year ago make this move exactly what Los Chavez Ravineros needed. Besides, thanks to Kobe, their fan base will be unmoved by anything short of a world championship.

Sherrill has pitched in 9 games in Dodger blue, and hasn’t given up a run yet.

LOSERS: CHICAGO CUBS
The Cubs did nothing. Nothing. Nil. Nada.

Ok, they picked up Tom Gorzelanny and John Grabow from the Pirates. But two middle inning relievers are not what you need when Ryan Dempster and Ted Lilly (your #2 and #3 starters) are on the disabled list at the trade deadline. Then, to add injury to insult, Carlos Zambrano (their #1) fell to the DL just one week after the trade deadline.

I understand that the Cubs have drafted poorly, and therefore have no big prospects to use as trade bait. I understand that the Tribune Company is uncapping its felt tip – as we speak – to sign over the team, and Wrigley Field, for $920 million. I understand that Cubs’ fans will stay engaged, no matter what. But, The Cardinals made great moves for Matt Holiday, Mark DeRosa, and now John Smoltz. The Brewers and the Reds are stacked with young talent that will make them dangerous in the future. And the Cubs – the team everyone picked to win the NL Central – did nothing.

The night before the trade deadline, the Cubs slept on a ½ game lead, in the NL Central. They now trail the Cards by 7 games. They don’t have to win a world championship. They don’t even have to win the pennant. But they should stop taking advantage of an overly loyal fan base that has been patient, even while being outright abused, for over 100 years.

WINNERS: CHICAGO WHITE SOX & DETROIT TIGERS
I love the American League Central. Maybe it’s Ozzie. Maybe it’s Leyland. Maybe it’s Mauer, Morneau, and the Twins ability – every year – to stay in the hunt on a small budget. Whatever it is, I love it. But let’s be honest, no team from the AL Central will be throwing a parade this fall. (Admittedly, although, it would be way cool if the Tigers could pull off a miracle for their city in despair.)

Success in the AL Central is measured by – exactly that – success in the AL Central. So, when Detroit added Jarrod Washburn to Justin Verlander, effectively solidifying the best one-two punch in baseball, Chicago wasted no time in sealing the deal for Jake Peavy. And if Peavy comes back from injury pitching the way he did this spring, he and Mark Burhle could go toe-to-toe with Verlander and Washburn. Bravo, two times.

The Tigers lead the ChiSox by 2.5 games. This one will be tight to the finish.

LOSERS: TORONTO BLUE JAYS
JP Ricciardi’s inability to move Roy Halladay doesn’t make the Blue Jays losers. What does make them losers is everything else he has done for the past 8 years. I exaggerate.

I was ready to praise Ricciardi for sticking to his guns. He set a steep price for his ace, and nobody offered him what he wanted. So he kept Halladay and insisted that they would, instead, “Try to win with him next year.” THEN, he traded 7-time Gold Glover Scott Rolen to the Reds, GAVE Alex Rios to the Chicago White Sox (yes, I said “GAVE,” as in, “for nothing”). He then put Vernon Wells, with his 7-year, $126 million contract, on “For Sale” signs all over the country, begging, praying, that some team, any team with a wallet, really, would take Wells off his hands.

Who exactly is Ricciardi trying to win WITH next year?

Still, Halladay makes the Jays a hot ticket at least one night a week in 2010.

WINNERS: BOSTON RED SOX
The Red Sox made the most crucial move of the entire season. They acquired Victor Martinez from the Cleveland Indians. Though Martinez is batting .324, with 5 homeruns, and 14 RBI in just 17 games with the BoSox, the deal to acquire him was significant for other reasons.

On July 30th, David Ortiz became the latest Major League slugger to show up on “The List.” The revelation that he tested positive for PED’s in 2003 exposed not only Ortiz, but also a large contingent of Boston’s 2004 championship team.

The next day, Theo Epstein pulled the trigger on Martinez, and gave a clinic in PR. He deflected the attention from Boston’s cloudy past, and shed light on the possibility of a bright future. Well done, Theo. They don’t call you the “Boy Wonder” for nothing.

LOSERS: PITTSBURGH PIRATES
Once again, the Pirates traded everyone.

Operating a baseball franchise in a small market is difficult. Drafting well, developing within, buying low, and selling high, are all important strategies in Pittsburgh, Oakland, Minnesota, Kansas City, and a handful of other cities in baseball. And the good news is that the Pirates now have a TON of new, young talent to sift through.

But here’s what troubles me about the Pirates…

In 2001, they moved into PNC Park, which is highly regarded as one of the nicest new stadiums in baseball. Of the $216 million it cost to build the place, the Pirates organization only contributed $40 million. And while average attendance peaked at 30,000 per night during the stadium’s first few seasons, last years average fell to 20,113, and last week, attendance failed to crack 13,000 during a three game set with the Brewers.

Playing the financial game is one thing. But when a kid walks into a ballpark and finds that the guy whose jersey he is wearing doesn’t play for the team anymore, he’s going to be hurt. And so is the team.

WINNERS: PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
I won’t brag. I won’t boast. Cliff Lee is 4-0, with 0.82 ERA, and 2 complete games since joining the defending champs.

The Phillies have made a ton of money since October, and in July, they did what was necessary to keep their fans engaged. They gave them hope of winning it all, again.

But this move was huge for another reason. Ruben Amaro Jr. is the new kid on the block, and he showed his brass in a pressure cooker of a situation. Where many a young GM might have taken the bait, he passed on Roy Halladay, who is now 2-3 with a 3.41 ERA since the trade deadline, and held on to his valued treasures, in JA Happ, Kyle Drabek, and Dominic Brown.

I WANT TO HATE IT

2009-08-14T13:35:00.000-07:00

When it was reported that Michael Vick had signed a two-year deal with the Philadelphia Eagles, my mind paged through all possible excuses for why NOT to comment on the Eagles and Vick. I wanted no part of it. But you all refused, and here’s how it sounded.

“Dear Cheese, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I can’t say I’m proud of this one.”

“Hey Cheese, How ‘bout those Philadelphia Dog Killas! Ruff, Ruff!”

“Michael Vick, huh, CheeseWhizard? Why doesn’t city council just drop a bomb near South Street, and urinate on the remains? Opposing fans are going to eat you alive.”

“Whiz, I hate this. Help.”

“Dear Cheese, Michael Vick: The furtherance of that lowlife Andy Reid's goal to hire other lowlifes. Next thing you know he’ll put his own kids on the Eagles payroll. The most eloquent reason yet to hate the Eagles.”

I want to hate it. I do.

On September 12, 2007, I brought home my very own 11-week-old Boston Terrier. Marley was my first dog, and is my best friend. And when Michael Vick was indicted two weeks later for running a dog-fighting ring out of his home in Virginia, I picked up my new best friend, held her against my chest, and prayed that she would never know the trauma that Vick’s dogs experienced. I prayed that she would never encounter a monster capable of drowning, electrocuting, or shooting perfectly healthy creatures because they weren’t good enough killers themselves.

But no matter how emotionally scarred by and unforgiving we are of Michael Vick’s past transgressions, we mustn’t forget that today’s dilemma is not one of personal acceptance. Today’s dilemma is one of social restoration. Commissioner Roger Goodell, Eagles President Joe Banner, owner Jeffrey Lurie and Coach Andy Reid aren’t asking you to be Michael Vick’s friend. They’re asking you to let him have his job back. So why do we hate it so much?

Michael Vick hasn’t endured enough punishment. No, that’s not it. Guidelines for his sentencing had most legal experts forecasting a 12-18 month term for the crimes Vick committed. He spent 23 months in prison. If our society sets the rules, and our society governs the punishment, then why shouldn’t our society hold up its end of the bargain and reinstate this man? If the issue is rooted in the length of his term, then the beef is with the judicial system, not the NFL, not the Eagles, and certainly not with Michael Vick himself.

We could argue all day about sentencing, and the seemingly arbitrary nature with which today’s court’s dole out prison sentences, but the fact of the matter is prison wasn’t the most painful blow. Michael Vick lost over $100 million in endorsement contracts, filed for bankruptcy protection as his debt neared $50 million, and lost out on over two seasons during the prime of his NFL playing career.

This is a Public Relations nightmare for the Philadelphia Eagles. Sure, it is. There will be lines of protestors picketing outside Lincoln Financial Field, and likely every other stadium the Eagles’ team bus rolls into this season. But think of all the people you know who are members of PETA. They all own animals, right? Most of them have adopted those pets from the SPCA or shelters, right? Many of those animals had behavior problems, social anxieties, and maybe even ferocious and violent tendencies that pushed them to bite or endanger other dogs and even people, right? These PETA members willingly stepped in and took responsibility for animals that didn’t know any better, weren’t disciplined correctly, and were cast away by a society who let them fall to the wayside. But when given the opportunity to readmit a fallen human being, they turn their nose up in disgust, and walk away?

How can we let this man be a role model? Let’s be honest, if this were Joe The Truck Driver, nobody would care if he did his time, paid his dues, asked for his old job, and went back to business hauling loads up and down I-95 at 40 cents a mile. But this is Michael Vick, and he is a role model. Why, because we chose to make him one. But in the words of the always-eloquent Charles Barkley, “Just because I can dunk a basketball doesn’t mean I should raise your kids.” At some point, people will realize that sport is entertainment. Jamie Foxx can write a song called, “Blame It on the Alcohol,” and Britney Spears, one entitled, “If You Seek Amy.” (Sound it out people) More young girls are concerned with Lindsay Lohan’s and Nicole Richie ’s sexcapades than boys are with Vick’s deviations, but those other entertainers aren’t held to the same role model standards. Why?

Growing up at the change of the millenium, we haven’t learned our lessons from watching players live like gentlemen. We learned that from our parents. From McGuire and Palmeiro we learned not to do steroids, lest we too fall from grace. We learned not to cork our bats from watching Sammy Sosa, embarrassed. We learned how to be honest when we watched man-child Danny Almonte dominate the Little League World Series, and then forfeit his team’s third place finish when it was found out he was really 14, not 12. Sadly, we even learned how to practice safe sex from listening to Magic Johnson. Kids won’t look at Michael Vick and think it’s acceptable to kill dogs. Kids will remember what kept him out of the game for two years. And they won’t make the same mistake.

As far as the game on the field is concerned, I can’t find a reason why Vick is bad for the Eagles.

With McNabb at quarterback, Andy Reid will find other ways to use Vick – splitting him out wide, putting him in the backfield, using the direct snap – ultimately taking the defensive focus off of the banged up Brian Westbrook.

If McNabb doesn’t perform over the next two seasons, gets hurt (as he has so many times before), or can’t come to terms with the Eagles two years from now, who better to take the reigns of this west coast offense than the runner and gunner in Vick.

But, most importantly, Michael Vick could push Donovan McNabb over the hump, forcing him to be the leader that he has never been; the leader who wins a Super Bowl. McNabb has spent 9 comfortable years with this franchise, and has never been threatened by a back up. His understudies - Kevin Kolb, AJ Feeley, Koy Detmer, Mike McMahon, Jeff Blake, and Tim Hasselbeck – have had an average career quarterback rating of 58.2. Only Jeff Garcia, with a rating of 90.2 brought anything worthwhile to the table, and the organization let him go after he led the team to the playoffs during McNabb’s 2006 injury.

I want to hate it. I do. I just can’t justify my discontent. He’s a man, who, by our own rules, has earned another chance. Why should we be so upset about giving it to him?

REALLY, REILLY?

2009-07-24T13:43:00.000-07:00

More and more, I feel like a stranger to my own society. I don’t understand people. I don’t understand how they can be entertained by the things they watch, nourished by the things they eat, enhanced by the things they buy, or enriched by the gossip they read. But more than any of these behaviors, I am most mystified by the things that cause us to be surprised.

In a society where celebrity and fame are acquired by the whim of the public’s reaction to image and profile, and not necessarily from an appreciation of actual talent, we act surprised when grown animals bite off their opponent’s ears in the ring, when childhood stars, robbed of their youth, continue into adulthood to carry on like children, or when guy-liner wearing American Idols are captured by the tabloids making out with other men. Why are we so surprised? Fame comes about more so from the titillation of the public, which encourages bad behavior because it makes for a juicier story. As a result, our “stars” get to where they are by acting the way they do. Why should they stop now?

Yet, this week, columnist Rick Reilly, a good writer, I think, criticized Tiger Woods for his tantrums on the golf course at the Open. Says Reilly, “Tiger Woods has outgrown those Urkel glasses…the crazy hair…(and) a body that was mostly neck…When will he outgrow his temper?”

Tiger Woods is a winner. He always has been and likely always will be. The numbers don’t lie, you know how often he has won, and you know that he is the greatest golfer to ever walk this planet.

You don’t become the best by making winning a priority. You become the best by making winning THE priority. You carry in your gut a desire and passion to win, so strong that the idea of being unable to win would make you want to quit altogether.

The intensity with which Tiger Woods plays the game is exactly what brought him his celebrity in the first place. The 330-yard cannons, 3-woods over water, cutting two irons out of fairway traps, 50-foot eagle bombs, with fist pumps to finish, and yes, unfortunately, the driver slams into the tee box are the good, and bad, images of a game played with the utmost passion. The PGA Tour is what it is today – a behemoth industry with yearly purses soaring from $70 million to over $250 million - largely because Tiger Woods has elevated the level of play and boosted the passion meter, virtually singlehandedly. And the correlation between Woods’ involvement in modern golf and enhanced TV revenue and sponsor involvement is undeniable. Nothing demonstrates this better than to consider that when Tiger went on hiatus for knee surgery last year, television ratings sagged by an astounding 50%. Tiger Woods’ image as the Nike Golf Poster Child is earning Nike Golf more than $500 million per year. It’s possible that Nike is almost as concerned with Tiger’s foul mouth as they were with Michael Jordan’s gambling.

Speaking of Jordan, let’s not forget that Tiger isn’t just another guy on the PGA tour. He is one of the best athletes in history. His peers are not Vijay Singh, David Toms, or Mike Weir. His peers are Michael Jordan, Babe Ruth, Wayne Gretzky, Ty Cobb, Jim Brown, and Muhammad Ali. Ali, Brown and Gretzky toiled in sports that involved the infliction of physical pain upon opponents, so commending them for their good behavior would be a bit unfair. Jordan used to yell at his teammates and the referees. Everyone who ever met Ty Cobb hated him for being the jerk he was unanimously reported to be, and The Red Sox traded The Bambino after his bad boy behavior - a drunk driving accident with a woman who wasn’t his wife, and a thrown punch at an umpire that resulted in a nine game suspension - began to raise resentment in the clubhouse. Yet Reilly condemns Tiger for yelling at himself after poor shots?

In modern sports, bad behavior is a cottage industry, even among the big stars. One need only to think of George Brett running at the umpire over pine tar, Jeff Van Gundy trying disgracefully to hold back Alonzo Mourning, Ron Artest punching out fans in the stands, Tanya Harding clubbing Nancy Kerrigan, Roberto Alomar spitting in the face of umpire John Herschbeck, Bobby Knight throwing the chair, Bobby Knight choking his player, Bobby Knight assaulting Jeremy Schapp, - wow, how ‘bout that Bobby Knight - Roger Clemens throwing Piazza’s bat, Dennis Rodman kicking the photographer. Where into that line of admirable behavior do we insert Tiger Woods yelling at,.......well,.......at...... himself?

There is bad behavior that flows from questionable character, and bad behavior that comes from caring too much. Tiger never steps on anyone’s line, rolls his ball in the fairway, or elbows a spectator on a trip into or out of the wayward rough. He doesn’t typically shout during Phil’s back swing. And when I was serving him at a club in New York five years ago, he drank water and sat quietly talking with his friends, Jeter and Jordan, while they took turns passing the half-dozen gathered glamorous models from lap to lap.

True story.

Next year, around this time, go to any public golf course in America. Ask any ten guys you meet there to name the winners of this year’s US Open and British Open Championships. Do you think that half would be able to name both Lucas Glover AND Stewart Cink? Both are great golfers, and, by all accounts, great guys. The PGA Tour and the American President’s Cup team are better for having them this year. But, for cryin’ out loud, who are more boring than Lucas Glover and Stewart Cink? And if these guys typify the type of intensity the PGA Tour will be counting on 20 years from now, when Tiger is otherwise busy walking Sam Alexis down the aisle, golf may be in for a real popularity collapse. When Ivan Lendl rose to the forefront of professional tennis, taking the mantle from John McEnroe, McEnroe himself noted that the tennis world must be missing him, having instead to watch “the human robot, Ivan Lendl.” Does Lucas Glover, himself, yet know that he won the US Open?

Reilly makes the point that more kids watch Tiger than any other golfer, and more kids mimic Tiger than any other athlete, and bad behavior makes for “role model” issues. The kids have no choice but to watch Tiger, the TV programmers see to that. They make sure every single one of his shots is televised. Who knows, maybe Stewart Cink snapped a putter over his knee last Thursday. But the kids wouldn’t have seen it, because ABC’s Mike Tirico was too busy gushing over Tiger, and commentator Andy North was otherwise unavailable, glued to Tom Watson’s Titleists.

For Tiger, “Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is.” If winning isn’t important to you, involve your children in arts and music, because golf is a competition, and the object of the game is to win. And Tiger Woods has now given a fifteen-year clinic on overcoming adversity, performing under pressure, and, well, winning.

To do everything that Tiger Woods does, and there is little he does half-heartedly, there has to be some separation. Family time is for Elin and the kids, practice time is for Hank Haney, Tiger Woods Foundation time is for the children of the world, and Major Championship time is for Tiger. Hell, Major Championship time is for all of us out here in the world of sports. It’s his opportunity to be selfish and his opportunity to be the superhero, at the same time.

Why should we be surprised when he behaves just as he always has, especially if he lets himself down while also letting all of us down, too?

It’s too bad Reilly doesn’t seem to get it. It’s right in front of his nose, particularly when he cites in his very column the anecdote that explains it all, the essence of Tiger Woods:

One day, when Tiger was just a kid, he was throwing his clubs around in a fuming fit when his dad said something like "Tiger, golf is supposed to be fun." And Tiger said, "Daddy, I want to win. That's how I have fun."

...WHILE YOU WERE AWAY...

2009-07-19T00:33:00.000-07:00

The Cheese Whizard is back. And before I can even begin to apologize for the absence, we must discuss a crucial off-season incident.

After some of The Cheese Whizard's articles were considered for use in both The Philadelphia Inquirer and The Philadelphia Daily News last October, the winter (and a move from Los Angeles to San Francisco) forced an extended hiatus, during which, an impostor, by the human name David Murphy (an employee for philly.com) concocted a blog space called "High Cheese."

http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/phillies/

Hmmmmm. I'm not sayin. I'm just sayin.

So I ask you, my loyal followers, the three or four of you who read this, you, who have missed these email blasts since the day they stopped coming - thanks mom, dad - I ask you to decide what should be done with the very name under which I write. Do we keep the Cheese Whizard, in the face of this alleged impostor? Or, do we dare to choose another name, and remain an original, among clones? Help me out here. I want responses.

So, I'm back, and it wasn't the Phils, it wasn't Tom Watson, it wasn't Alex Selma's flamboyant Lakers parade that brought me back. It was the USA's 30-23 victory over Canada in the Men's Slow Pitch Softball 'Border Battle.'

Pass me a brew, The Cheese is back.

GOTCHA!

2008-11-23T09:45:00.000-08:00

Philadelphia will get you. Just when you’re not looking, out of nowhere, like it’s very own Rocky Balboa, it’ll hit you with a jab, and you’ll be wounded.

The only nuisance for the Phillies in their otherwise trouble-free run to perfection and a world title was a man, in Manny Ramirez, amongst boys. He was brilliant.

So how would Philadelphia retaliate? Oh, you thought winning the big one was the end of this battle? Think again.

Just about 67 miles northwest of Broad and Pattison (address of the world champions) is a town called Reading, Pennsylvania. Reading is the home of the Reading Phillies, the AA affiliate of the big-league squad. Reading also just happens to be the hometown of Los Angeles Dodgers’ starting pitcher Chad Billingsley.

Billingsley is a 24 year-old ace-in-the-making. As the number-two starter on their staff, he had a 3.14 ERA this year, and although he folded in the National League Championship Series, his 16 wins will need to anchor this pitching staff (having recently lost Derek Lowe) again in 2009. Or, will it?

On Thursday, parts of Pennsylvania got a wintery mix of snow and freezing rain, all too familiar to residents of that area. Vanessa Ciccarella from Upper Dublin said, “Yeeaa it wuz comin down real hard, and hittin’ the roof and stuff, but like it wasn’t wutter, it was like frowzen.”

The next morning, Chad Billingsley, while home in Reading during his winter hiatus, lost his footing while walking on his frozen driveway, and suffered a spiral fracture of the fibula in his left leg. Oops.

Gotcha…just when you weren’t looking.

Doctors put a plate in Billingsley’s leg and said he should be, “…able to throw by spring training.” Able to throw? If I’m Joe Torre, and I’ve been through the pitching nightmares that he went through in New York, I’m not buying it. I’m not confident with a recovering Billingsley, a Hiroki Kuroda who went 9-10, and a decent pick-up.

I’m buying something big.

C.C. Sabathia is big. He is far and away the best pitcher in this year's free agent class.

I know Sabathia will probably go to New York. I know the Yankees just offered him enough money to make Henry Paulson blink. I know Sabathia is ready to win, and the Yankees win (or, they would, and they did when they had good pitching). I know Hal Steinbrenner (the owner of the Yankees) wants to make his mark on this new team, in this new ballpark. I know a rounder man of Sabathia’s size and stature looks much better in vertical patterns, and thus, is well suited for the Yankee pinstripes.

But, the Dodgers have money to spend.

The Dodgers are sick of Scott Boras. They’ve taken their money off the table with Manny, and their number-two pitcher just broke his leg.

They might not be able to match the Yankees $137 million, but they have a core of young, talented players, who just got a whole lot of playoff experience. They could make a few moves, make an offer, and let Sabathia’s desire to return to his native sunny California (after what must have been a miserably cold stretch in Cleveland and Milwaukee) do the rest.

In that case, Manny’s out.

And just when Manny wasn’t looking, Philadelphia’s icy mix took out the Dodger’s number-two pitcher. And that might make Manny a certain number-two priority to finding a new ace.

Hey, Manny, see you in Anaheim.

WHY, WHY, WHY?

2008-11-16T01:32:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles has plenty to talk about.

Ned Colletti, The Dodgers’ GM, and Scott Boras, Satan’s personal assistant and Manny Ramirez’s agent, are locked up in an old fashioned game of “Remember when you screwed us on the J.D Drew deal?” And it’s just oozing with testosterone.

This morning, on ESPN Radio, Colletti said, “I haven’t talked to Scott this morning…but I’m sure I’ll hear from him on Christmas day.”

This afternoon The Dodgers pulled their offer off the table. Don’t look for this one to end anytime soon.

But, Manny or not, The Dodgers are looking to spend money, and that’s exciting.

The Lakers are good. Great, even. Some say 70-wins-great. That is yet to be seen.

What is plain to see however is that the addition of Andrew Bynum is taking the defensive pressure off of Pau Gasol (averaging 15.5 ppg). And, the combination of Odom, Radmonovich, Farmar, Walton and Vujacic (the Lakers’ bench) could probably win half of their games as a starting 5.

The Angels are making big moves.

UCLA basketball, despite an early season scare from Miami (OH) is ranked 4th in the coaches poll, and is loaded with talent.

The northwest winter swell is rolling into Malibu, and Southern California’s coastal waters are packed with the world’s best surfers.

Gossip Girl is hot.

Warren Sapp doing the Tango is way hotter.

So, why on earth? Why, is it? WHY, I ask you? Why must Los Angeles spend every waking minute pining over every last minute detail of USC Trojans Football?!?!

As I sat there watching this team get out-thought, out-coached, out-manned, out-hustled, and flat out out-played by Stanford for three quarters of their game today, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “This is a mediocre USC team.”

This isn’t a mediocre team. This is a mediocre USC team.

The defense is the best in the country. No question. Before the game today, they were giving up an average of 6 points per game. They had only given up 7 touchdowns. The next best team in that category had given up 13 – almost twice as many.

But this is a team searching for an offensive identity.

This is a team ranked 21st and 24th respectively in rushing offense and passing offense. They’re ranked 15th amongst scoring offenses in the country.

This is a team that is without the Lendale White/Reggie Bush backfield combo of 2004. When the 2004 team defined itself as a running machine, the White/Bush tandem ran for 2011 yards. The best the 2008 squad can muster is a combined 943 yards from C.J. Gable and Stafon Johnson.

This team is without a go-to receiver like Dwayne Jarret, Steve Smith or Mike Williams. When this was an offense with an aeronautics nametag in 2003, Williams caught for over 1300 yards. Another Williams, Damian, leads the 2008 team with 518 receiving yards.

This is a team that lost to Oregon State, had trouble with Arizona, crawled past Cal, and barely outlasted Stanford (the 22 point margin is an aberration).

This isn’t some great story about an underdog, or a phoenix rising from the ashes. This is a story about the perennial favorite; the 6-time national champion; and the schoolyard bully. But this year the bully didn’t get picked to play and so he has to sit on the side and watch.

For USC to make it to the BCS National Championship, at least 4 of the following 5 teams must fall.

1. Alabama…must lose to Auburn next week, or to Florida in the SEC Championship. And, even if they lose a close game to Florida, there is no guarantee that they’ll fall below USC at the 6 spot.

2. Texas Tech…must lose to Oklahoma next week, or to Mizzou in the Big 12 Championship. Despite their enormously exciting offense, and the best college football player in the country, in Michael Crabtree, Texas Tech seems to be the most likely of these teams to fall.

3. Texas…must lose to Arkansas or to Texas A&M. Texas will not play in the BIG 12 Championship because of their head-to-head loss to Texas Tech, and this could be their saving grace. Colt McCoy is still the Heisman leader, and every coach with a ranking sheet knows that.

4. Oklahoma…must lose to Texas Tech next week, or Oklahoma State the week after, or to Mizzou in the Big 12 Championship. If Bob Stoops can coach them to three wins through that stretch, this team will play in the BCS National Championship game.

5. Florida…must stop being the best team in the country. Florida tackles The Citadel, and a Florida State team (that just lost to Boston College), before going at it with #1 ranked Alabama in the SEC Championship. If they win those three games (and they will), The Gators would even leap frog a one-loss Texas team and play for the National Championship.

So, if you’re a USC football fan, you can do one of two things.

Your first option is to sit here and pray that everyone else chokes. You can hinge your every breath on the demise of everything that has been good in college football this year. You can hold on for dear life and hope that this mediocre Trojan team can falsely recreate the excellence of 2003, 2004 and four other terrific seasons.

Or, you can stop being ridiculous, enjoy what the SEC and BIG 12 have to offer, and buy a ticket or two if the NFL ever gives you another shot at a professional football team.

...Silence.

2008-11-04T15:03:00.000-08:00

There are things to comment on.

For me, there are many things to comment on.

And then there are those events, those plays, those comments, those actions, those moments, that one moment, that leaves us speechless. It isn't a loss of words. Its a fear that this moment is bigger than who we are, more powerful than anything we're capable of, too perfect to be tarnished by our words. And so we say nothing.

What transpired in the hours between 8:37pm EST on Monday, October 27, 2008, and whatever time you finally got to sleep in the wee (morning) hours of Thursday, October 30th left me speechless.

I will not mar this moment with my words.

The Phillies are World Series Champions, and I am celebrating.

-----------------------

The Cheese will be back soon with ...

1. The BCS debacle part 47
2. Questions for Joe Dumars and this brilliant trade he just made
3. 1,049,392 reasons the NFL has got it going right, in every way.

No Dodgers, No Red Sox, No Apologies

2008-10-22T02:18:00.000-07:00

Sunday night my lady friend and I paid twelve dollars each to see ‘W,’ Oliver Stone’s latest stab at mediocrity. For two hours, the film careened through obvious scenes, and worn-out Presidential blunders that you couldn’t have missed were you living under a rock, or better yet – for my loyal Taliban readers – in a rock, for the last eight years. The only redemption came in the form of Josh Brolin’s masterful performance (as ‘W’ himself) that carries Stone’s work in much the same way that Manny Ramirez did Joe Torre’s, after July.

But, despite the predictable jokes, the seeming lack of purpose, and Thandie Newton’s whiny caricature of Condoleezza Rice, there was a surprising sound that filled the theater: laughter.

In this time of fear and uncertainty in America, you can feel people starving for entertainment, longing for an escape, holding on for a hero, till the end of the night. Art has become secondary to simple amusement. Demand for tales of fortitude, unlikely heroes, and utter hopefulness has skyrocketed. Three of the top five films of 2008 were superhero movies; stories that turned hope on the heels of desperation and despair. According to Nielsen, six of the top ten most watched television shows of the past year were new episodes of either American Idol (a show in which nobodies become stars) or Dancing With The Stars (a show in which ‘has-beens’ resurrect their careers).

If we, as Americans need an escape, then all we really need is our Great American Pastime.

Baseball has consoled this great nation in many troubled times.

On January 14, 1942, just a month after the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, Kenesaw Mountain Landis, the commissioner of Major League Baseball, wrote a letter to President Roosevelt, asking for advice. He asked FDR if baseball should continue being played with our country wrapped up in a world war. Roosevelt responded with what is now known as ‘The Green Light Letter,’ insisting that baseball should continue being played, and that it would only serve as a morale booster for American citizens and those fighting abroad.

In 1987, the entire world was shaken by the devastating stock market crash of Black Monday. The United States attacked an Iranian oil platform in the Persian Gulf as world markets collapsed. The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 23% in the days following October 19th. But, on October 20th the Minnesota Twins and the St. Louis Cardinals played Game 3 of the World Series, thus resuming their heated battle. That World Series went seven exciting games (only 6 of the last 22 World Series’ have gone seven games), and the Twins won game seven in an unlikely come-from-behind fashion sparked by Kirby Pucket’s game-tying double.

In 2001, the New York Yankees helped their beloved city rise from the ashes. Though the Yanks couldn’t win it all, with the help of the Arizona Diamondbacks, they treated baseball fans and New Yorkers across the country to a seven-game gem of a series, just a month after the tragedy of September 11th.

This year, while Fox will apologize profusely for failing to bring you the over-hyped Red Sox – Dodgers match-up that it primed so incessantly, Major League Baseball will not.

Major League Baseball wants you to know that it is alive and well.

Major League Baseball wants you to forget about your mortgage, Iraq, healthcare, and elections. It wants to console you, and it will.

Major League Baseball wants to give you a story of hope. From a town where our nation was founded, it wants to show you how the most losing franchise in sports history (The Phillies) can quench the thirst of a city yearning for a championship.

Major League Baseball wants to give you a story of rebirth. From a town where baseball has only existed for ten years, it wants to show you how a team that finished dead last in its division (The Rays), in eight of its first nine seasons, can nullify the New York Yankees, eliminate the Boston Red Sox, and turn its first winning season into a world championship.

But more importantly, Major League Baseball wants to introduce you to some people. It wants you to forget about Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire and BALCO. It wants you to forget about steroids altogether. It wants you to empty your memories and stop concerning yourself with the tarnished past of sluggers bound for Cooperstown. It wants you to meet the future of baseball.

This week, in Tampa Bay and Philadelphia, baseball’s youth will shine on a national stage. Next week, those youths will be household names.

As far as the Phillies go, you’re probably familiar with some of their young talent. You probably know Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins, the 2006 and 2007 National League MVPs, both 29 years of age. You probably even know Chase Utley (29), the Phillies 2008 catalyst and starting second basemen.

But what about Jason Werth (29), who took over the starting job in right field, hit 24 home runs, and had 67 RBI in just 137 starts? What about Shane Victorino (27), ‘The Flyin’ Hawaiian,’ who leads the starting line-up with a .293 batting average, and 36 stolen bases? What about Cole Hamels (24) who won 14 regular season starts, and has a 3-0 record this post season with a 1.23 ERA?

Do you know those guys?

Well, even if you do, you probably don’t know these Rays…

How about B.J. Upton? At age 24, he already has 7 homeruns this postseason. How about Evan Longoria? (No, not Eva) The Rays first round pick in 2006, Longoria lead the team in SLG and OPS, and will most likely receive the National League Rookie of the Year Award. How about David Price? This left-handed pitcher was drafted #1 overall last year by the Rays, and didn’t make his debut until September 14, 2008. He could be the deciding factor against a powerful line-up of Philadelphia lefties.

The Ray’s starting line-up has an average age of 27.4, and before this season, only 8 players on their 40-man roster had playoff experience.

Major League Baseball has a lot of introducing to do.

But, if you can’t sleep because a loved one is in Iraq, you can’t eat because you’re sick and can’t pay for healthcare, or you’re anxious because you can’t pay your mortgage, tune into Fox this week. There are a bunch of young men ready and willing to take your mind off of things for a little while. There are a bunch of young men eager to write you a new story of hope - a story of rebirth.

When the Rays eliminated the Red Sox on Sunday, FOX traded the 7th ranked television audience for the 14th ranked television audience. So, if anyone loses this week, it’s FOX. But then again, if you wear the Red colors of the FOX team, you are probably preparing for an even bigger loss on November 4th.

Here’s to baseball.

REASONS TO ROOT FOR THE SOX...

2008-10-17T14:30:00.000-07:00

Frankly, all week I was sick and tired of hearing the following...

"Anything less than a Dodgers-Red Sox World Series would be an utter let down for baseball." -Abe Knownothing

So, now that the Dodgers are out of it, I'm wondering, "Hey Fox, now that you can't have it YOUR way, is it o.k. if the TWO BEST TEAMS play in the World Series? Gee, THANKS!"

But before you Philly fans go praying that the hottest team in baseball (The Phillies) gets to play the team that played the best all year (The Rays), beware of Florida...as in, the State.

5 REASONS PHILADELPHIA DREAMS DIE IN FLORIDA:

1. The FLORIDA Marlins have kept the Phillies out of the playoffs, by beating them in late season series, at least twice in the last 6 years. That includes 2003 when the Marlins won the World Series.

2. In January of 2003 The TAMPA BAY Bucs won the last football game at Veterans Stadium. They beat the Eagles 27-10 in The NFC Championship Game, before advancing to win the Super Bowl.

3. In 2004, The TAMPA BAY Lightening beat the Flyers in the 7th game of The Eastern Conference Finals, before beating the Calgary Flames and winning the Cup of Lord Stanley for the first time in franchise history.

4. In 2005, The Eagles lost Super Bowl XXXIX, in JACKSONVILLE, FLORIDA to the New England Patriots, 24-21.

5. The disastrous performance by FLORIDA MARLIN'S second baseman Dan Uggla, in the 2008 MLB All Star Game is the primary reason that no matter who the Phillies play, they will NOT have home-field advantage.

Ummm...Go Red Sox.

I THINK SHE'S A KEEPER

2008-10-15T03:04:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago I started looking at the schedule. Being the Phillies’ fan that I am, currently living in Los Angeles, I started to do the math. If the Dodgers could get past the Cubs, and the Phillies could eliminate the bruised and fading Milwaukee Brewers, the Phillies would hold home field advantage and therefore play Games 3-5 of the NLCS right here in LA.

It all fell into place. My buddy Larry and I cleared our long list of Hollywood engagements, booked out with our agents and managers, got dog sitters, cancelled our yoga classes, moved our weekly colonics to Tuesday, and called our publicists who got us tickets to sit right alongside Babs, Penny and Gary Marshall, Lamar Odom and Paaaaat SAJAK! (Ok, so I lied about the dog sitters)

As I opened my eyes on Monday morning, I realized two things. One, after a demoralizing Game 3 loss – during which Jamie Moyer did, in fact look like the 100-year-old softball pitcher he was locally coined to be – I realized that I hadn’t slept much at all. Two, and more importantly, the persistent October heat that had me dripping in sweat just three days earlier was gone. The everlasting Southern California summer had disappeared in the dark of the night, and the morning sun brought with it a cool breeze that swept me home to the crisp autumn air of so many Octobers past.

I had a healthy breakfast with a couple of old friends, put on my Schmidt jersey (1980’s light blue – visitors), opened a beer, and took my seat on the couch by noon. No, I’m not an alcoholic; I just needed to soothe my nerves. I had two hours to kill before heading out. Better yet, the waiting game had two hours during which to kill me.

I talked to my roommate a bit. Nervous. I wrote some emails. Nervous. I called my Dad. Nervous. I called my Grandmother. Nervous and hysterical. I called some buddies from home. Nervous, angry, scared, nervous.

You see, whether you like it or not, playoff memories don’t leave your brain. They brand themselves into untouchable corners of your memory. And for Philadelphia fans, they are the most sensitive and delicate mental reminders of how long and hard the fall can be. My mother was 3 months into her pregnancy with me when Tug McGraw struck out Willie Wilson to clinch the Phillies last, and only, World Series title.

Larry had the parking hook-up. We drove through Silver Lake and cut across Echo Park, eventually finding our way to the Scott Avenue preferred parking area (AKA Street parking one-half mile down the hill from Chavez Ravine). Parking here would one, ensure I burned off at least one-tenth of the calories I ate and drank in beer and Dodger Dogs (which, btw pale in comparison to Phillie Franks), two, assure us an easy escape route, and three, guarantee at least four attempts by Dodgers’ fans to run us off the road as we walked – clad in Phillies garb – gingerly into enemy territory.

Having watched for 25 years how opposing fans can be treated in a hostile playoff environment, I will admit I thought twice about wearing both hat and jersey into the heart of the beast. But it only took me about ten minutes to realize that the idiots in Mets attire, Giants hats, and Cowboys gear, had me looking like Tony Blair sitting next to Osama Bin Laden, Sadam Hussein and Satan. Ultimately, Dodgers fans are all bark.

I felt the tension in my body vanish the second I took my seat. I don’t know if it was emotional exhaustion setting in, the sight of my home team finishing batting practice on the most beautiful natural turf in the National League, the rising moon – a night from full – over the right field fence, the calm demeanor of my friend Larry, or the 20,000 empty seats at game time, but something just felt right. It was as if the baseball gods had come to me, asked for my permission to take me on a ride, promised I would enjoy the experience regardless of the outcome, put the bar down over my shoulders and wished me good luck. There was no turning back now.

I kept thinking about 1993. I remembered Game 4 of that World Series so vividly; so many lead changes; so many key moments; so many big plays; so many chances to jump up and down, tug on my dad’s mustard color J. Crew Barn Jacket and scream at the top of my lungs. It was the highest scoring game in any World Series, ever. There were more lead changes than any game in playoff history. And yet I walked out of the Vet with tears streaming down my face because the Phillies had lost 15-14. My dad looked at me, smiled and asked, “Are you crying? What are you crying about? You just saw the most exciting baseball game in World Series history. How could you be crying?”

Monday, I finally understood what he meant.

I couldn’t ask for a win. I could only ask for a night I would never forget. And that’s exactly what I got.

I’ll never forget JIMMY ROLLINS leading off the game with a base hit; the look on DEREK LOWE’s face after giving up three straight hits; the two-run first inning that allowed JOE BLANTON to get settled on the mound; ANDRE ETHIER’s diving catch to stop the bleeding; the ‘boos’ as MANNY got his free passes to first base, and the eruption when he tied the game with one sweet swing of his scalding bat; not one, not two, but THREE defensive double-plays that kept the Phillies in the game; the wild pitch that let in RYAN HOWARD and tied it once again; the CASEY BLAKE homerun that had me wishing I was alone on my couch, where I could kick something; the Ryan Howard fielding error that had me wishing I could kick RYAN HOWARD; the CHASE UTLEY unassisted double play; the dominance of HONG CHIH-KUO in the top of the 7th; the long, long, long, and questionable (even at the time) walk that JOE TORRE took to the mound in the 8th to pull KUO, after keeping him in to bunt – with two runners on – a half inning before.

I’ll remember all of those things, but you will too. Here’s what Joe Buck couldn’t give you…

From our seats on the third-base line, any ball hit left of center field was easily judged from our angle. Although Blake’s sixth-inning homerun to left-center only cleared the fence by five feet, it was obvious from our perpendicular perspective that it was gone as soon as it left the bat.

The eighth inning was a different story…

With Ryan Howard standing on second base, one out and a 5-3 Dodger lead on the board, I turned to Larry and said, “If they can just get Howard home, they can cut this lead in half.” With that, Cory Wade threw a hanging curveball on the inside half of the plate and Shane Victorino turned on it.

It sounded good. From the crack of the bat, you could tell he hit it hard. As it sailed over the infield, it never got more than fifty feet off the ground. As Andre Ethier sprinted for it in right, I started to talk to it.

“Get over his head,” I urged it.
Larry chimed in, “Fall in, fall in!”

For a second, it looked as if the ball might have enough juice to hit the wall in the air, give the speedy Victorino a double, and plate Howard from second.

As the twelve-year-old inside of me reached for my dad’s sturdy arm, my hopeful, though weathered adult hand instead came up with the light threads of Larry’s grey hoodie. I glanced to Howard at second base, and by the time I looked back to right field the ball was gone. It hadn’t been caught. It hadn’t fallen in. It hadn’t ricocheted off the wall. It was in the Phillies bullpen, over the right-field fence, and the game was tied, 5-5.

We were speechless.

In an instant, a brand new memory had been seared into a new corner of my brain. The homerun brought groans, and ‘boos,’ along with an eruption from the Phillies’ dugout. But it was nothing compared to what was about to happen.

After Pedro Feliz was retired for the second out of the eighth inning, Carlos Ruiz singled to keep the rally alive. Charlie Manuel pinch-hit Matt Stairs for reliever Ryan Madson. Joe Torre countered, by bringing in the flame throwing Jonathan Broxton.

After picking up Stairs off of waivers in August – meaning no one else wanted him – all we really know is that he sure can hit a fastball.

It was prediction time. Stairs waited out a 3-1 count, and I turned to Larry. “Broxton can’t put the go-ahead run in scoring position here, so look for Stairs to get a fastball for a strike.”

Larry nodded hopefully, yet skeptically.

Broxton threw Stairs a 96 MPH fastball right down the center of the plate, and there was no doubt about this one.

Stairs’ homerun was such a bomb that Larry and I were standing, jumping, screaming, and punching each other out of excitement long before the ball left the infield atmosphere. It was such a bomb that Andre Ethier didn’t move from his place in right field. It was such a bomb that Cole Hamels almost jumped the dugout fence onto the playing field. It was such a bomb that I forgot all about 1993. It was such a bomb that Iran has reportedly begun a cloning experiment of Stairs’ DNA.

You’ve heard it said a million times; “And this crowd is silent…”

But, you’ve never heard this.

As pods of Phillies’ fans leapt from their seats amongst a sea of fifty-five thousand in Dodger Blue, I heard a brand new sound. It was the sound of my own screams, traveling across the field, bouncing off the concrete walls, and traveling back for me to hear with my own ears. It was the sound of silence. It was the sound of victory, in a foreign land.

Game 4 provided something for everyone; small ball and big ball; leads and deficits; pitching and hitting; base running and defense; strategy in every inning. It provided the Phillies and their fans a huge, Game 4 win. But if I never remember who won Monday’s game, I’ll always remember the sound of silence created by that homerun.

The hazing wasn’t quite as bad on the walk back to the car.

When I got there, I called my dad.

Then I called my girlfriend to ask her if she saw what happened in the eighth inning. She was under whelmed by the homeruns. “I think I have a crush on Chase Utley,” she said, “Did you see that play he made at second base?!?!?”

I saw it, and I don’t mind the crush.

She’s right. Defense and pitching win championships.

I think she’s a keeper.

OBLIVION, CA -

2008-10-11T09:15:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday, the L.A. Times ran an article by sports columnist T.J. Simers (pictured left for head-hunting purposes) entitled, “Phillies fans: 10,000 reasons to be bitter.” He led off referring to Philadelphia as, “Angryville…a dingy city…crumbling, and in ruin.” He called Philly fans, “Wild Pit Bulls,” and, “Obstinate pugs.” He proclaimed a Game 1 Dodgers victory a forgone conclusion for the mere fact that Derek Lowe would be primed and ready, eager to up his value in the free agent market. He called Jamie Moyer a 100-year-old softball pitcher, and Joe Blanton, “just another guy.” He finished his masterpiece insisting that as long as the Dodgers can return to Philly needing to win just one of Games 6 and 7, they will win the series, because, well, uh, Joe Torre said so.

With two Phils’ victories in the books, and the series moving to L.A., a rebuttal is due…

OBLIVION, CA – You spend enough time in this city, and you start to ask yourself if anyone here cares about anything or anyone but themselves.

Sure, L.A. has the beach and the hills, the stars and their houses, the parties and the babes, the best basketball player in the world, and the, “IN-N-OUT Double-Double.” But, what is L.A.?

Los Angeles is a town without character. It is a Mecca for the transient, aspiring youth of America; a science lab for Mother Nature to test her devastating sorcery; a Petri dish for smog and pollution. It is a town full of wannabes lured by the smoke and mirrors of entertainment. It is a crowd that shows up in the top of the third inning, unable to name more than a starter or two from the opposing team. Everyone here could give you a Kim Kardashian bio (Seriously, why is she famous?). But no one here could tell you which Phillies’ starter is batting over .300 (Greg Dobbs, btw).

The few L.A. natives who actually care about the Dodgers’ organization – mostly hard-working Hispanics from every corner of L.A., who ultimately make this town run – are longing for the “Crumbling Ruins,” of a town full of character. They envy our collective pain and heartache, our tears and depression, and the agony of our past defeats. But they won’t find agony in L.A., since, for there to be agony, L.A. would actually have to care. This is a town that let not one, but two, football franchises go. Better yet, this is a town that let O.J. go.

Call Philadelphians, “Wild Pitt Bulls.” Inevitably, if you let that many Eagles fans have that much beer, with that much fresh snow, at a Cowboys game, snowballs will fly (especially with a target like Jimmy Johnson’s grey perm). But, “Obstinate pugs?” Obstinate implies stubbornness. Stubborn fans can’t ‘Boo,’ their MVP leadoff hitter one week, and forgive his uncanny remarks on account of his hard-nosed, gutsy play the next week. Philadelphia is a town where questioning and rethinking, rewriting and amending were founded. Remember 1776? The simple truth is…..without Philadelphia, there wouldn’t be a Los Angeles anyway.

If the contest were over sports knowledge, fan participation, regional character, loyalty, and general support, the Dodgers would lose by the ten-run-rule, in a four game sweep.

Between the lines, there is a different story.

The Dodgers are hot. Without question, The Dodgers beat the best team in the National League with ease in the first round of the playoffs, and playoff baseball is all about getting hot at the right time (see The 2007 Colorado Rockies). However, calling it a victory for the Dodgers might not be as accurate as calling it a loss for the Cubs. Whenever your opponent has more errors than hits, you really shouldn’t be cocky over your own performance.

If the Dodgers are hot, Manny Ramirez is blistering. The Dread Head is 3-for-8 with 4 RBI in Games 1 and 2 and he takes pressure off of the young hitters around him.

Matt Kemp, Andre Ethier, and James Loney (each under the age of 26) have shined with Manny in the line-up. After batting .195, .281, and .292 in June, July and August respectively, Ethier batted .462 with Manny as a permanent fixture ahead of him, in September. Loney’s avg. jumped from .270 in July to .330 in August. Kemp seems to be the only youngster feeling the late season pressure.

But what happens if Manny goes cold? If the Phillies can pitch to Manny, (he batted just .240 against the Phillies in 8 regular season games) they’ll put loads of pressure on an otherwise inexperienced line-up.

Hot pitching beats hot hitting.

On Thursday night, Cole Hamels proved, once again, that he is the best pitcher in this series, and possibly the best starting pitcher in the National League. Don’t let his underwhelming total of 14 wins fool you. Hamels gave up 3 runs or less in 10 starts this season when he didn’t record a win.

On the other hand, in Game 1, Derek Lowe didn’t do much to elevate his value in the free agent market. He dropped to a 1-2 record in five League Championship Series starts. In 37 career LCS innings, he has given up 33 hits. In his defense, his defeat was aided an abetted by Rafael Furcal’s blunder at shortstop.

And the Dodgers will blunder.

In three ‘mistake categories,’ (base running, fielding, and hitting with runners on base) the Phillies are simply better. In the regular season, the Phillies stole 136 bases, getting thrown out only 15% of the time, 10% less than the Dodgers. The Phillies ranked 9th out of 30 teams in all of baseball in fielding errors, making 10% fewer errors than the Dodgers. In all of baseball, only the Chicago White Sox (157) grounded into more double plays than the Los Angeles Dodgers (154). The Phillies ranked 5th in that category, hitting into only 108 inning killers.

The Dodgers must win Game 3. And if they have a shot with any of their starting pitchers, it may be in Hiroki Kuroda. Kuroda is holding opposing hitters to a .241 batting average at Chavez Ravine, and only allowed one earned run in his last start against Philadelphia.

But, after winning both games in Angryville, the Phillies and their 100-year-old softball pitcher Jamie Moyer have these young Dodgers hitters right where they want them. Moyer struggled in his last start in Milwaukee, but hasn’t given up back-to-back losses to National League teams yet this year. The Dodgers will be anxious to turn this thing around quickly come Sunday, but Moyer’s change of speeds has been devastating to young, anxious hitters. Just ask the Florida Marlins, (who have only two starters over the age of 30,) who have lost 8 of their last 11 when Moyer faces them.

If the Dodgers had any advantage coming in, it was in the category of “post-season experience” possessed by Ramirez, Jeff Kent and Nomar Garciaparra. Manny is doing everything he can. But Kent and Garciaparra are a combined 1-for-6 off the bench, including a less than elegant fan session by Nomar to end game two. Although it is polite, perhaps, to say that Garciaparra is “experienced,” Phillies’ closer Brad Lidge made Nomar look, well… old.

Speaking of Lidge…

The Phillies’ bullpen is in overdrive right now. Lidge is an incredible 42 of 42 in saves, Ryan Madsen’s change-up gets near the plate and then falls off of the table, and J.C. Romero has only given up 10 hits to left-handed hitters all season.

The Dodgers have come too far to pack it in now, but the road is uphill from here.

On Wednesday night, as a precursor to the League Championship Series, ESPN aired a ‘Top Ten Playoff Moments,’ montage. Number 3 on the countdown was Kirk Gibson’s walk-off home run in Game 1 of the 1988 World Series, against Dennis Eckersley; a film clip notoriously familiar to sports fans, played and replayed now for twenty years. But while most viewers probably focus on Gibson’s memorable ‘air-lawn-mower-start-trot-around-the-bases,’ a different element of the clip seems more interesting, and more telling about the L.A. fans. As Gibson’s drive soars over the right field fence, the Dodger stadium parking lots com into view, complete with taillights of cars lined up to exit. There were ‘fans’ leaving in the ninth inning, in Game 1 of the World Series, before a momentous, history making home run. Each time I’ve seen that clip in the past couple of days, I can’t help but wonder how many ‘Dodger Fans,’ will be left in the stadium when Brad Lidge throws the last pitch of the series here this week.

Sorry you didn’t like Angryville. We won’t make you go back.

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In the original version of this story, there was a remark which was misconstrued by some as an over-generalized slander towards Mexicans in East Los Angeles. My original comment was only an attempt to praise those L.A. natives who consistently show support for the Dodgers' organization. I apologize to anyone who may have been offended by my comments. - The Cheese

In West Philadelphia, born and raised...

2008-10-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

Yes, I’m a sports junkie. Yes, I was born and raised in Philadelphia. Yes, I was at The Vet for the 15-14 World Series game (Phillies loss, thanks in large part to Paul Molitor’s t-ball-like stats), and the 2002 NFC Championship (Eagles loss, thanks in large part to Joe Jeruvicius’s open field wind-sprints). I cried when Michael Jack hit 500 at Three Rivers in ‘87, and when Joe Carter hit 1 at the Skydome in ’93. I can’t help but feel at home when Harry The K’s voice over enhances a Campbell’s Soup spot, or when Jaws breaks down a ‘Cover 2 Zone,’ on Monday Night Countdown.

But, while I’ll always stand by my home teams, I’ll always be honest…

The Cheese Whizard promises to agree with the simple fact that Andy Reid is a big game choke artist; that 10,000 losses is a disgrace; that trading Bowa and Ryne Sandberg to the Cubs for Ivan DeJesus was a minor catastrophe in a long-line of misjudged talent; that Lindros was a concussed idiot, and Brind’Amour was a hero; that Iverson should have learned to ‘practice;’ that Westbrook will never be enough; and that Dalessandro’s makes a better steak than Jim’s, Pat’s or Geno’s; that so many things that so many people say are just flat out wrong...

But if you want to, “Keep it Real,” then let’s go ahead and, “Keep it Real…”